Lava Sword Vs. Hydra – Who Wins?

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In this fine film known simply as Hydra, things are simple. There are good guys, bad guys, a hot chick, a disposable black guy, and a bigass hydra who possesses the power to chomp with all five snakey heads.

There's some kind of back story, blah blah blah bad guys associated with the military or hunting go to an island to catch the hydra. A good guy who is still a military bad ass wants to stop them from getting the hydra because it's a dangerous monster, and he somehow hooks up with a couple of girls and the disposable black guy. Whom the bad guy refers to wonderfully as "your newfound friends."

To defeat the hydra, bad ass guy has to cauterized its necks as he cuts the heads off – otherwise it will sprout another head when one is cut off. In this amazing climactic moment, we get to hear the bad guy's awesome final speech right after he shoots the black guy and right before hydra head-chomping. Plus, there's head-chomping. And a sword yanked out of a lava pit, with much grimacing. I guess a lava-warmed sword takes care of that cauterizing.

The best part about this movie is that it's billed as "unrated." Unrated why? Extreme CGI cheesiness? Full-frontal hydra head? Seriously, there are no naked boobies in this movie. No bare ass peekaboo with our hunky good guy. It's not even that gross or violent. I am confused by this lack of a rating, and can only attribute it to laziness rather than content. Basically, the filmmakers were too stoned to bother to submit it to the ratings board.


Which doesn't mean you shouldn't revel in its monstery goodness.

Hydra via IMDB