I don't know what's sadder—that a 19-year-old schlub named Curtis Salisbury was caught camcordering The Perfect Man and Bewitched in a Missouri movie theatre or that the copyright police are crowing about catching him.
You see, friends, Curtis was involved in what the hep kids call "warez" networks. He uploaded his ill-gotten chick flicks to these "warez" networks where terrorists download them and turn them into opium and guns which are then used to kill the Key Grips and Catering Staff for many major motion pictures, thereby leaving their families with no food on the table. The fact that Curtis was caught taping these horrible films is a testament to the fact that the ticket taker probably went to high school with Curtis and didn't like him and then told the projectionist who told the girl behind the candy counter who blurted it out to the 40-year-old Manger Trainee who then called the crack copyright storm troopers. I mean this is a MAJOR bag. Two movies? No wonder Stealth and The Island didn't do very well. Scum like Curtis was pirating them!