Once You Hit 75, Eat All the Donuts You Want, Says Science

Illustration for article titled Once You Hit 75, Eat All the Donuts You Want, Says Science

When you're old, screw it—you might as well hit up the 4:45pm Country Kitchen buffet to load up on Jello salad every day of the week. Your nearly eight decades of life have earned you the right to eat what you want. But seriously, science now says that once you hit 75, the benefits of eating healthily go out the window.

For five years, researchers from both the University of Alabama at Birmingham and Penn State followed the eating habits of 449 people aged 75 and up, and categorized their diets into three classes. There's the sweets and dairy, which is characterized by lots of baked goods, coffee and tea, dairy-based desserts, and very little poultry. The there's the health conscious class, which includes good grains, fish, nuts, and not much fried or processed food or soft drinks. And the third is the Western pattern, a diet defined by alcohol, fried food, sodas, eggs, breads, fats, and not much fruit or protein. Researchers also cross-referenced the old timers' medical records to check for a correlation between a bad diet and cardiovascular disease, diabetes, metabolic syndrome, or even death.

And guess what? Researchers found no relation, no matter which class of diet the person followed. Although there was a higher risk of hypertension for the sweets and dairy segment, and suggested that ascribing to a healthy diet is probably going to give you fewer problems in the long run. But overall, it seems once you're at that advanced age, if you're going to die you're just going to die. The results of the study are published in the Journal of Nutrition Health and Aging, as well as the next email your grandmother writes you in all caps. Respecting your elders now means letting them eat whatever the hell they want. [Penn State via Futurity]


Image credit: Shutterstock/Aaron Amat

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Leslie Horn

This is a real itemized list of things my uncle recently found in my grandma's pantry. She's 88 and shows no signs of stopping. More evidence for this study:

1 jar dry roasted peanuts

2 large tins of chocolate/peppermint bark

1 pkg semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 box Royal Dansk “luxury” chocolate wafers

1 bag oven roasted almonds

1 bag whole natural almonds

1 bag Ghiradelli chocolate squares

1 box Ginger Snaps

1 pack Reese peanut butter cups

Misc easter candy

1 box Honey Maid graham crackers

1 box Ritz crackers

1 big tub pretzels

2 bags of Werther’s original candies

1 bag Tootsie Rolls

1 tub sugar “fruit” slices

1 handful of peanut butter cracker packs

1 bag white chocolate macademia nut cookies

1 tin Pepperridge Farms crème filled pirouettes

4 boxes brownie mix

2 Oreo cookies

1 large pack Oreo cookies (okay, I did indulge here)

1 box Nature Valley granola bars

1 bag Pistachios

1 bag peppermint Life Savers

1 bag chocolate covered pretzels

1 bag almonds

1 bag black licorice twists

1 bag cashew turtles

1 sleeve thin mints

2 bags pretzels

½ bag Ruffles

2 big bags potato chips

1 big bag Tostitos

2 packs Andes thin mints

1 large bar mystery chocolate

2 dozen ginger spice cookies (dough)

1 cubic shitload misc candy for the living room candybowl (just in case you can’t make it to the kitchen)