The Future Is Here
We may earn a commission from links on this page

Regretsy: For Anyone Who Didn't See the Creepy Side to Making and Selling Your Own Crafts

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

As much as I admire people who believe enough in their artistic output to foist it on others for money, I knew Etsy had a dark side. Well, someone with the no-nonsense pseudonym Helen Killer just showed it to me:

Here are a few choice excerpts from Regretsy (NSFW); just a taste, mind you, no substitute for a visit. Be careful, though, because the amazing site is not always safe for work. Looking over the entries makes me wish it were as fictitious as Kasper Hauser's brilliant—but mercifully fake—SkyMaul.

Regarding the lovely lady and her cheese-grater clock, Regretsy says: Oh sure, it's not perfect, but you try cleaning a cheese grater with a cigarette.


Regretsy says: Whenever I hear "Michael Jackson", I immediately think "baseball". Well technically, I think "Little League", but you know what I'm saying. [Link]


Regretsy says: Usually I just use the guest towels when we're out of toilet paper. [Link]

Regretsy says: You know what goats like? They like grass. They don't like having leopard outfits strapped to their sagging haunches like Kim Cattrall. [Link]


Regretsy says: Santo trompas de Falopio! Who wouldn't want to curl up with the stuffed reproductive organs of Mexico's most famous bisexual surrealist? [Link]


It goes without saying "Santo trompas de Falopio!" is my new favorite expression of surprise. Hit the site for way more where this came from. [Regretsy (NSFW)]