Back in the day, Eastern European posters for English-language science fiction films sometimes rearranged the movies’ plots, jigsaw-style. For example, the Hungarian posters for the Star Wars trilogy transformed Darth Vader’s helmet into an unusually nefarious bundt cake pan.
https://gizmodo.com/hungarian-star-wars-posters-advertise-a-movie-starring-5777818
So everyone put your swimming caps on (and Berlitz tapes in the microwave) because we’re delving back into the psychedelic depths of international movie poster art. Let’s begin with the utterly boss Hungarian poster for Alien. As you can see here, the xenomorph is some species of spacefaring bio-organic wereparrot.
The Hungarian Aliens switches things up. Ripley is either traveling to LV-426 or competing in an intergalactic bowling tournament.
The American ad campaign for Phase IV made no damn sense whatsoever — the Hungarian poster is just following suit.
https://gizmodo.com/phase-iv-a-film-about-super-smart-communist-ants-and-m-5771223
https://gizmodo.com/is-this-the-most-confusing-scifi-tv-ad-ever-filmed-5806644
According to the Czech poster for Short Circuit, “Who’s Johnny” is the question you hear milliseconds before you die.
The Czech Temple of Doom was secretly located in the cover art for an Earth, Wind, and Fire album. Kali Ma Shakti de!
https://gizmodo.com/the-alan-parsons-project-and-earth-wind-and-fire-are-5865692
“Jó napot! My name is Hungarian Jaws 2! Welcome to my movie poster!”
Hungarian King Kong has come to New York with a singular goal — to penetrate an office building…with his own name.
The Czech Terminator is kind of handsome, like the bastard offspring of Henry Rollins and an early Windows screensaver.
Impossibly, the Polish poster for Big Trouble in Little China makes the film look boring.
Ditto for Back To The Future. (“Ah, yes. The movie with the car in it. Let’s see that.”)
On the other hand, Polish Gremlins looks like it was made by Gremlins, so mission accomplished.
The Czech Omen is a hilarious Theodore Rex-esque cop comedy starring Gregory Peck and his mishap-prone partner, Microcephalic Satan.
Why is Polish Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom sleeping?
BECAUSE POLISH RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK WAS TOO FUCKING EXCITING! NAZI COBRA COATHANGER!
Is there something worse than the German E.T. porn? Yes. POLISH E.T.’s LIPS.
https://gizmodo.com/this-et-porno-will-ruin-the-very-notion-of-sex-for-you-5610121
“I EAT SUBTLETY!” screams Turkish Jaws. (Note: Do not confuse him with Çöl, The Turkish Jaws).
https://gizmodo.com/the-15-lamest-sea-monsters-to-ever-doggy-paddle-into-ci-5579048
Hungarian Close Encounters of the Third Kind was live from Red Rocks.
Turkish RoboCop included a sensual scene where Murphy and Red from That 70s Show engage in the only dance that is forbidden in Detroit.
Polish Jaws 2 would make a fantastic Doublemint commerical.
Well, this is definitely the poster for Polish Willow.
Close us out, Polish Witches of Eastwick.
RELATED
– The most misleading science fiction movie posters ever
– Some creative remakes courtesy of Ghanian cinema (1, 2, 3)
– Alien, as told by a child who never saw Alien
https://gizmodo.com/most-misleading-and-fanciful-science-fiction-fantasy-mo-5636239
https://gizmodo.com/the-curious-art-of-ghanas-mobile-movie-posters-5355252
https://gizmodo.com/more-ghanaian-movie-posters-that-will-melt-your-brain-i-5830694
https://gizmodo.com/2016-the-trailer-for-ghanas-predator-is-the-best-thin-5859280
https://gizmodo.com/polish-godzilla-movie-posters-turn-kaiju-into-high-art-5728879
https://gizmodo.com/80s-thai-horror-movie-posters-will-melt-your-face-5476557
https://gizmodo.com/alien-as-written-by-an-11-year-old-who-never-saw-the-m-5880944
[Via Budapest Poster, Polish Poster, Eat Brie, and the always fantastic Monster Brains]
