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Truly the masochist’s dream clock, the Super Electrofluorescent Profanity Machine gives you the time and then lays down a litany of cuss words and other fine four-letter fare from the English language. Designed, built and marketed solely by “Koolatron,” the clock/display was cobbled together using “vintage Cold War-era Soviet vacuum fluorescent tubes and custom driver…
Not only is this Lego Star Wars diorama of the ice world Hoth fun to look at, it’s got some gadgety goodness inside too. Oh, and footprints. Tons of tiny minifig footprints. As the headline says, the 5′X10′ diorama is comprised of 60,000 Lego bricks. It cost creator Mark Borlase about $3,000 and four years…
There are currently two unlocked warranty-free Nokia 5800 XpressMusic touchscreen handsets available at Amazon right now for $590. Want? Then go! [Amazon]
The UI in this video of the Pasen REI-16 is pretty slick, if not vaguely familiar. Oh that’s right. Just like their other player, the "iTouch," this one is also a blatant ripoff of Apple. Get them while they last when they arrive in January for about $130. [B4Tech]
There’s kind of a dearth of arcade-style joysticks available for the PS3 right now, and there aren’t necessarily many fighting games worth playing on the console either. Nevertheless, the XCM Dominator will exist soon. Then again, female avatars have had a tough time in Sony’s PlayStation Home service as of late—maybe the killer combos this…
The fun to look at but nightmare to touch Cowon S9 Curve that we thought was arriving in 2009 is now available at Amazon. If form over function is your thing, it’s yours for $240. https://gizmodo.com/cowon-s9-curve-gui-not-quite-as-lovely-as-the-player-it-5103955 For more on the Curve’s iffy GUI, here’s our own John Herrman: Instead of building out from the user…
Move over Hodgman and that hipster kid who briefly dated Drew Barrymore, because there’s a new advertising campaign in town that hopes to take Linux into the mainstream. With commercials. It’s true. The Linux Foundation saw those successful I’m a Mac commercials, and Jerry Seinfeld playing with Bill Gates, and they wanted in. So they’re…
Now having controlling interest in the company, Microsoft uses their new found leverage to somehow buy Yahoo and Google, forming a gigantic web/tech/electronics corporation known as NAMBLA. You fade into obscurity as a footnote in the annals of history. THE END. Back to the start?
No amount of silhouetted dancing cock ads can save you from this public relations disaster. What were you thinking? Turn to page 25.
You stumble onto the shaman’s mystical chamber. “What are you doing here, kid!”, exclaims the Shaman. You tense up. Words start forming, but your throat closes around them. The Shaman casts a spell. Your legs don’t work. A bright blast of blue light blinds you and knocks you to the floor. Your legs still don’t…
You’ve been waiting for this moment all your life. You are Jon Ive, whose design aesthetic has influenced countless companies and countless industries the world over. And now you are CEO of Apple. Stocks tank. Turn to page 86.
You’ve been waiting for this moment all your life. You are Phil Schiller, whose salesmanship can put as good a spin on any Apple product released as Steve jobs can. Stocks tank. Turn to page 39.
You’ve been waiting for this moment all your life. You are Tim Cook, who as COO, actually runs the company and knows what’s going on in each department better than everyone else. You know design, you know software, you know everything Steve Jobs knows. Stocks tank. Turn to page 86.
You’ve been waiting for this moment all of three months. You are Bill Gates, and you are very happy to take the job because the word “philanthropy” didn’t mean what you thought it meant. Stocks tank despite the fact that you bought all the shares yourself. Turn to page 86.
You’ve been waiting for this moment all your life, but unfortunately you’re as unsuited for this position as anybody who’s ever lived. Nevertheless, the board has great confidence in your skills (because your dad is on the board). The stock tanks anyway. Turn to page 87.
With the financial and technological backing of Apple at your side, you decide to devote only 10% of your attention to running the company and 90% of your attention to becoming Batman. Your first outing goes horribly wrong. Two muggers have cornered you in an alley. Your martial arts skills, though impressive to your adult…
Operation “sneak into Microsoft and steal stuff” goes well until your curiosity gets the better of you and you just HAVE to see what Steve Ballmer’s office looks like. Big mistake. The ogre is unleashed. Ballmer chases you down a hall. You… • Shoot him. Turn to page 61. • Try and outrun him. Turn…
Apple engineers stumble upon the secret to time travel while researching ways to make iPhones have a coefficient of friction less than 0.02 in order to increase sales of iPhone cases. You have the option of going back in time only once before the time travel device gets too scratched up and fingerprinted to function.…
You are not the dominant gorilla. Despite getting hit with a cheap shot to his neck, Steve Ballmer takes you down with a basic wrestling move. Noogies and wedgies ensue for what seem like hours. Eventually Ballmer calms down and decides to let you leave, but not before making you sign over your control over…
After an initial outcry on blogs and local newspapers, the outrage fades as you continue to revamp your product lines every few months. Occasionally, random wackjobs bring up the subject with a, “you guys do remember that this was the company that poisoned us, right?” Eventually, all complaints are drowned out by the release of…
