It was a bit of an odd week for weird tie-in food products - what with The Walking Dead's burger made to taste like Human Flesh, and Batman's Bat-Burger at Hong Kong Mcdonalds. So what better time to take a look at some of the unholiest abominations born of alliances between the movie and fast food industries?
When the third Neon Genesis Evangelion remake movie quadrilogy hit Blu-ray in Japan last year, Fast food chain Lotteria promoted it with this mountain of meat and cheese. Roughly $13 netted you 9 patties and 9 slices of cheese stuffed into a bun - secured together with a 'Fork of Longinus', a reference to the Spear of Longinus that frequently popped up in the Anime (yes, named after the Spear of Logninus from the Bible used to skewer the crucified Jesus Christ. Mmmm, sacrilicious.).
What does 9 patties of beef have to do with Evangelion, you ask? It was a pun on the film's Japanese title, Evangelion Shin Gekijō-ban Q - Nine is pronounced similarly to 'Q' in Japanese.
Baskin and Robbins released a veritable host of tie-in food items for the launch of Men in Black III, including this 'Lunar Cheesecake' ice cream - which very very much looks like cheesecake ice cream that's covered in mold. Icky.
Apparently though, there's a long, long history for Baskin-Robbins and Luminous green-flecked Cheesecake iced treats - the company released the same idea back in 1969 to celebrate the Lunar Landing. From one of the finest moments in Human history, to Men in Black III: Truly, cheesecake-flavoured ice cream is the backbone of our Civilisation.
Lucasfilm's now aborted attempt to bring us a Galaxy Far, Far away in a stunning total of three dimensions birthed this bizarre promotion from French fast food outlet Quick. It's not just Japan who has a habit of dying burger buns black!
French fans could pick between the puntastic 'Dark Vador' burger, which featured a blackened bun, and the lighter-coloured 'Jedi Burger', two patties topped with Mozzarella cubes. I guess nothing quite says the Light Side of the Force like Mozzarella cubes?
Okay, so this one isn't specifically tied into a movie release, but instead inspired by one - back in 2009, Del Monte polled a thousand British women which male celebrity they've most like to lick on the end of an Ice Lolly stick (ugggggggggh). In a top ten list that included David Beckham, Jude Law, David Tennant and Hugh Grant, Daniel Craig topped the polls, specifically his wet, half-naked appearance after emerging out of the ocean during his first stint as James Bond in 2006's Casino Royale.
The low calorie fruit smoothie flavoured Lolly sculpted in Craig's likeness was distributed in limited numbers to celebrate
Daniel Craig's abs the first National Ice Cream Week in the UK.
Baskin-Robbins makes the list again, for these delectable frozen treats to celebrate Cap's first movie back in 2011. At first they look pretty inconspicuous - an Ice Cream Cake decorated with Cap himself and made to look like his shield, and some USA red white and blue ice creams are all well and good for someone as patriotic as Mr. Rogers...
But it's the Hydra Sundae that creeps me out. Let's not forget that in The First Avenger, Hydra were basically Nazis. Sure, a fringe splinter group of Terrorist Nazis, but still. I can't really say that the first thing to come to mind when I think of 'Chocolate Sundaes' is 'Terrorist Nazis', to be quite honest. I mean, I guess someone thought it was a good idea to have one of the items be themed around the bad guys of the film, but still, maybe it didn't quite sink in until after that you're touting Nazi-themed Ice cream alongside more patriotic flavours.
This might just be the laziest entry on this list - not just because this burger has so little to do with either Spider-Man 3 or The Dark Knight, but the fact that someone at Burger King UK thought it was a good enough idea to use twice.
The Dark Whopper was first released in 2007 to tie into the release of Spider-Man 3, inspired by Spidey's jet black symbiote suit. I'm not sure what's particularly dark about it, other than the fact that the description mentions black pepper twice - especially considering there are actual burgers on this list that do the concept better. But that's not the end of it!
A year later, Burger King released the exact same burger for The Dark Knight - at least this time the movie had 'Dark' in the title. If that wasn't half-assed enough, Burger King even used the exact same advertisement that they used for the Spider-Man 3 promotion for their Dark Knight promotion, just with a Dark Knight poster shopped over the Spider-Man 3 one. Come on guys, at least put a little effort in.
Remember that bit in The Phantom Menace when Qui-Gon pulled on Jar Jar's tongue? Well, someone thought that was memorable enough to market as this goddamn terrifying lollipop.
I mean, it's bad enough that you're asking kids to suck on a vaguely phallic, giant candy tongue - NOT CREEPY AT ALL - but the fact that there's a giant plastic Jar Jar Binks head holding it too, inviting you to dive into the Gungan's gaping jaws to get a lick at his bright red tongue with his vacant, distant eyes, it's just... well, I hope you all have nightmares after reading this. You really should.
Hobbits are of course, infamous for their love of food and meal times. But you know what they're not known for? Family Dining chain restaurants! No one at Warner Bros. or Denny's seemed to care about that fact when they revealed this mildly heart-attack-inducing Hobbit themed menu to promote An Unexpected Journey's release.
Including such tragically/delightfully named treats as the 'Hobbit Hole Breakfast' (pictured above), 'Bilbo's Berry Smoothie' and 'Gandalf's Gobble Melt' (Oh god, Gandalf's Gobble Melt!), the baffling absurd tie-in was
contractually obliged to so popular it returned last year to clog your bowels in celebration of The Desolation of Smaug. This time it had a 'Smaug's Fire Burger' and 'Bard's Pumpkin Pie Milkshake' in addition to the previous menu, because of course it did.
Bonus Round! So this isn't a movie tie-in, but a game tie-in - Destiny inspired Astronaut Ice cream was available at stores earlier this month to promote the release of Activision and Bungie's Sci-Fi shooter:
I wonder if the nutritional content in that packet is about as non-existent as the game's story. It would be at least thematically appropriate, then.
You're reading Toybox, io9's new blog for all things pop culture. From merchandise to awesome fan creations, TV recaps and critical commentary on the hot topics of the day, you can find it all here!