For those of you who didn't endure last night's Street Fighter tweetathon, here's the cream of the preposterous, paramilitary, martial-artsy-fartsy crop.
We all cued up the theatrical cut of the Jean Claude Van Damme-Ming-Na Wen-Raul Julia videogame adaptation Street Fighter on Netflix Instant (or on DVD) and Tweeted our way through it. Below, you'll find the cream of the sleep-deprived crop. (For the entire event, bounce over here.)
@PlaidNinja Getting ready to see a terrible film.
@io9commentary oh, poor, poor Raul Julia. Him being in Street Fighter goes down in the annals of really shitty final roles.
@io9commentary I bet this is the movie that Ming-Na most desperately wants off her resume.
@io9commentary Written and Directed by the Guy Who Wrote Die Hard and vanished off the map thanks to Street Fighter.
@io9commentary wait, I'm already confused: who puts soldiers in red camouflage?
@KickBoy Better question, what kind of black market arms dealer wears denim with a suede vest?
@io9commentary wait, what medical supply company is printing IV bags with "DNA MUTAGEN" on them?
@cecilseaskull I think those aren't really DNA Mutagen bags. They are really slushies.
@io9commentary I know that Raul Julia was very ill while shooting this—cancer, if I remember—but he looks so bored.
@io9commentary I'm pretty sure that Van Damme was high for most of this. (okay, I'm just guessing, but look at him.)
@io9commentary There is entirely too much talking. And from Van Damme, who never heard of a word he wasn't willing to masticate.
@io9commentary If only JCVD stayed dead, this movie might've had a chance.
@io9commentary "Don't touch the body. It might spontaneously do splits."
@io9commentary clearly, one can't be a supervillain without a giant model of the crazy town you want to build.
@io9commentary HE'S BUILDING A SKULLTAGON?
@io9commentary This movie's first mistake is actually being a movie. Its second mistake is pretending it needs to be a boring-ass mystery.
@io9commentary I would, however, like to see more movies that feature Ming-Na in slinky black cat-suits. #imjustsaying.
@io9commentary say what you want about Mortal Kombat, at least there was fucking kombat.
@io9commentary WHAT IS HAPPENING? NOW WE'RE IN A CIRCUS? HOLY SHIT!
@io9commentary all we need now is a dancing bear, a reservoir to poison, and some foxy boxing. Only then would this movie make less sense.
@io9commentary "Take the journalist to my chambers. We have decided to make her a private dancer. Dancer for stories."
@io9commentary "Col. Guile, have you lost your mind?" "No, you've lost your balls." "Okay, nobody move. You might step on one."
@io9commentary Bison's fuckpad is like a gay, french, velvet bomb exploded.
@PlaidNinja before we get to the rape, let me tell you all about my life story
@io9commentary Dolphins, wedding videos, and Martin Luther King can stop anyone from being a homicidal mutant. That's one to grow on.
@io9commentary you know what this movie needs? Hulk Hogan. Or Craig T. Nelson. Or a plot. But I'd prefer Craig T. Nelson.
@io9commentary Gayest threat ever: "This is the collection agency: Your ass is 6 months overdue. And it's mine."
@TrevorOfDoom "now you will witness the power of this full operational... uh... bungalo?"
@io9commentary BLANKA BLAME IT ON THE SUNSHINE. BLAME IT ON THE MOONLIGHT. BLAME IT ON THE GOOD TIME. BLANKA BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE.
@io9commentary This might be the worst climactic fight in the history of shitty JCVD climactic fights. Plus, he beat up a cancer patient.
@io9commentary We're never gonna get these two hours back, are we?
@cecilseaskull @io9commentary never. and guess what! I blame you! ;)