The Best of Last Night's Street Fighter Commentary Twack

Illustration for article titled The Best of Last Night's Street Fighter Commentary Twack

For those of you who didn't endure last night's Street Fighter tweetathon, here's the cream of the preposterous, paramilitary, martial-artsy-fartsy crop.

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We all cued up the theatrical cut of the Jean Claude Van Damme-Ming-Na Wen-Raul Julia videogame adaptation Street Fighter on Netflix Instant (or on DVD) and Tweeted our way through it. Below, you'll find the cream of the sleep-deprived crop. (For the entire event, bounce over here.)

@PlaidNinja Getting ready to see a terrible film.

@io9commentary oh, poor, poor Raul Julia. Him being in Street Fighter goes down in the annals of really shitty final roles.

Illustration for article titled The Best of Last Night's Street Fighter Commentary Twack

@io9commentary I bet this is the movie that Ming-Na most desperately wants off her resume.

@io9commentary Written and Directed by the Guy Who Wrote Die Hard and vanished off the map thanks to Street Fighter.

@io9commentary wait, I'm already confused: who puts soldiers in red camouflage?

@KickBoy Better question, what kind of black market arms dealer wears denim with a suede vest?

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@io9commentary wait, what medical supply company is printing IV bags with "DNA MUTAGEN" on them?

@cecilseaskull I think those aren't really DNA Mutagen bags. They are really slushies.

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@io9commentary I know that Raul Julia was very ill while shooting this—cancer, if I remember—but he looks so bored.

@io9commentary I'm pretty sure that Van Damme was high for most of this. (okay, I'm just guessing, but look at him.)

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@io9commentary There is entirely too much talking. And from Van Damme, who never heard of a word he wasn't willing to masticate.

@io9commentary If only JCVD stayed dead, this movie might've had a chance.

@io9commentary "Don't touch the body. It might spontaneously do splits."

@io9commentary clearly, one can't be a supervillain without a giant model of the crazy town you want to build.

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@io9commentary HE'S BUILDING A SKULLTAGON?

@io9commentary This movie's first mistake is actually being a movie. Its second mistake is pretending it needs to be a boring-ass mystery.

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@io9commentary I would, however, like to see more movies that feature Ming-Na in slinky black cat-suits. #imjustsaying.

@io9commentary say what you want about Mortal Kombat, at least there was fucking kombat.

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@io9commentary WHAT IS HAPPENING? NOW WE'RE IN A CIRCUS? HOLY SHIT!

Illustration for article titled The Best of Last Night's Street Fighter Commentary Twack
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@io9commentary all we need now is a dancing bear, a reservoir to poison, and some foxy boxing. Only then would this movie make less sense.

@io9commentary "Take the journalist to my chambers. We have decided to make her a private dancer. Dancer for stories."

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@io9commentary "Col. Guile, have you lost your mind?" "No, you've lost your balls." "Okay, nobody move. You might step on one."

@io9commentary Bison's fuckpad is like a gay, french, velvet bomb exploded.

@PlaidNinja before we get to the rape, let me tell you all about my life story

@io9commentary Dolphins, wedding videos, and Martin Luther King can stop anyone from being a homicidal mutant. That's one to grow on.

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@io9commentary you know what this movie needs? Hulk Hogan. Or Craig T. Nelson. Or a plot. But I'd prefer Craig T. Nelson.

@io9commentary Gayest threat ever: "This is the collection agency: Your ass is 6 months overdue. And it's mine."

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@TrevorOfDoom "now you will witness the power of this full operational... uh... bungalo?"

@io9commentary BLANKA BLAME IT ON THE SUNSHINE. BLAME IT ON THE MOONLIGHT. BLAME IT ON THE GOOD TIME. BLANKA BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE.

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@io9commentary This might be the worst climactic fight in the history of shitty JCVD climactic fights. Plus, he beat up a cancer patient.

@io9commentary We're never gonna get these two hours back, are we?

@cecilseaskull @io9commentary never. and guess what! I blame you! ;)

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DISCUSSION

geesejuggler

I forgot all about this! I was too busy geeking out about Chuck and The Big Bang Theory that it slipped my mind.