The Most Sexually Charged Portable DVD Player Robbery Yet

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Details are scarce, but we do know this: a man and a woman broke into a Hillsboro, MO garage on Sunday to steal things. Then they got sidetracked by having sex with each other. And then it got weird.

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According to KDSK news, the woman decided—mid-coitus!—to spray her accomplice/lover in the face with pepper spray, stealing his car and driving it just far enough to crash into a pond two miles away.

The man, meanwhile, undeterred by eyes that were essentially on fire, managed to stuff power tools and portable DVD players into a bag and take off on foot down the road, where he was apprehended a short time later.

The weirdest part? Of all of this? Someone owned multiple portable DVD players, and someone else thought they were valuable enough to steal. [KSDK via Fark, Top image via Shutterstock/Luis Louro]

DISCUSSION

By
IceMetalPunk

I can imagine how this happened.

"Alright, the coast is clear. Let's grab the stuff and go."

"But baby, you look so sexy in that ski mask and sweatpants."

"Ugh, fine, a quickie, then we're back to the job."

...2 minutes later...

"This is taking too long, short stuff. *SPRAY WITH PEPPER SPRAY* Oh, and I'll need a ride home. I know you won't mind if I grab your keys. Thanks, babe."

...driving...

"Hmm...you know, short stuff wasn't that bad. I kind of like the way he did that thing with his—HOLY SHIT, IT'S A POND!"

That's how it always happens, right?

-IMP ;) :)