Amazon treats its annual Prime Day like a religious holiday for shopping and the greatest thing capitalism hath wrought. In fairness, you can find some sweet, sweet deals amongst the pages of dog food and baby monitors, especially if you’re patient and enjoy spending your day hiding an Amazon webpage from the prying eyes of your boss.
But what about the rejects? What about the items that would be better relegated to an “everything must go” sale in a dusty warehouse off of I-95?
Don’t worry. There are plenty of those, too!
“The Complete Sequence” visual is nightmare-inducing in this context, but maybe this deal is for you if you enjoy bombarding people with terrible cinematic taste and/or a terrible sense of irony.
Here, celebrate Derek Jeter’s complete lack of range with some expensive dirt.
How many times do we have to tell you? Stop buying these fucking coffee pods.
There is no such thing as a vegan barbecue, and there is no such thing as vegan jerky. It’s a lie. A figment of some poor sap’s meat-starved brain.
“Our family rules, so I bought this sweet-ass decorative wall mural to celebrate. Now, everyone hug!”
Check out my sick light up gloves, bro!
I know these demon shoes have a real name, but I will never not refer to them as “toe shoes.” Some sizes have already sold out, which makes me both sadder and angrier than anyone will ever know.
$22.39 still seems like way more than is ethical to charge for a gummy bear nightlight.
Only 10% have been claimed. Hmmmm...
Wait, the perfect Jon Hamm is a voice actor in this movie? FUCK
Note 1: Some of these items will be available for Prime Day later today and don’t yet reflect a “bargain” price. Rest assured, however, they are on the Prime Day list.
Note 2: We will be updating this list throughout the day.