When I'm 94, I Want an iPad That Says 'Fuck You' Like Sumner Redstone

Illustration for article titled When I'm 94, I Want an iPad That Says 'Fuck You' Like Sumner Redstone
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Sumner Redstone, the 94-year-old billionaire media tycoon, is in failing health. He’s unable to speak, but is still in the headlines due to his voting stakes in both CBS and Viacom. So how will he communicate when it comes to the upcoming CBS-Viacom merger? He’s reportedly got an iPad equipped with phrases like “yes,” “no,” and “fuck you” on-demand.


Sumner Redstone is not a very likeable guy. He allegedly spent tens of millions of dollars paying off mistresses (some of them college-aged) and is generally known as a colossal prick. But you really gotta hand it to Redstone for using the latest that modern technology has to offer in order to stay on-brand.

That brand, of course, is being a complete asshole.

From The Wall Street Journal:

Questions have surfaced in recent years about Mr. Redstone’s mental standing. To help him communicate, some people who recently have met with him say that he has an iPad loaded with snippets of his voice, connected to buttons for words or phrases including “yes,” “no” and “f—you.”

The only question that remains is what app Redstone uses for his colorful communications. Is it simply a voice memo set-up or has he had something built especially for the purpose of telling people to fuck off?

Redstone is worth just over $5.1 billion, so it wouldn’t be out of the question for him to get something customized. But we really don’t know. A request for comment through a satanic batsignal was not immediately answered.

All we know for sure is that Redstone’s daughter and his former girlfriend are currently battling in court over the media magnate’s estate. He’s not even dead yet, but I guess terrible people have to start early when there’s so much money at stake.

[Wall Street Journal]


Matt Novak is the editor of Gizmodo's Paleofuture blog



I clicked on one of the links about how much he allegedly paid some of his companions. I was amazed at the amounts...in excess of $20 million in one case. I’d do a one night stand with the dude for $20 million and I’m a married father of 2. $20 million goes a long way...I’m just saying...