Would You Rather Battle Your Neighbor With a Samurai Sword Or a Chainsaw?

Illustration for article titled Would You Rather Battle Your Neighbor With a Samurai Sword Or a Chainsaw?

In Australia, a disagreement between two next-door neighbors over noise escalated into a unbelievable bloody battle, where one's finger was hacked off with a Samurai sword and the other's arm was nearly severed with a chainsaw.

While Mark Jorgensen and Troy Thorton's families had been feuding for some time—think Hatfied/McCoy-level animosity—this particular brawl began with a simple noise complaint. One that Thorton made with chainsaw in hand. So Jorgensen, allegedly unarmed when his nemesis approached, reached for his trusty sword to defend his homefront.

Now Thorton is down a digit and Jorgensen will likely lose an arm. It's unfortunate, and also extreme and borderline deranged. But it raises an important question: would you rather fight your neighbor with a sword or a chainsaw?


Samurai Sword


It's optimized for maneuverability.
It's light and swift, resulting in accuracy.
A Samurai sword is sharp.
Crazy Samurais use them.
Weapon of Choice of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill


Human-powered, so you have to be strong.
Requires skill, probably training, and at least a little bit of aim
It takes more effort to cause maximum harm.




It's powerful.
It's able to inflict awful gory injuries, disfigurement with simply one hack.
In the past chainsaws have been specifically used by doctors at times for the express purpose of forming amputations.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (now in 3D!) revolves around a chainsaw-carrying psychopathic serial killer.



You have to crank it up.
Requires maintenance.
Chainsaws are heavy.
Leaves the door wide open for self-injury



For optimum infliction of violence, go with the chainsaw. A chainsaw will totally disfigure you. You just don't come back from a chainsaw injury. Jorgensen and Thorton would probably agree, too. Because losing a finger isn't nearly as bad as losing an entire arm. [Daily Mail]


Image credit: Jeff Thrower(left)/Shutterstock, AISPIX by Image Source(right)/Shutterstock

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I would really have to go with the sword every time. One missed swipe with a chainsaw and you are over extended, off balance, and dangerously unguarded.

One doesn't need to have a killing stroke with a sword every time.

Here is how I would play it out:

1) Guy with chainsaw swings, missing wildly.

2) I would take one or two quick thrusts or swings at an undefended arm.

3) Guy with chainsaw moves even slower while trying to swing a 25 pound weight at me.

4) Fight is either over because he can no longer hold up the chainsaw, or he swings again.

5) Repeat steps 1 and 2 until such time as GWCS is dead, unable to move, or runs away.