MacBook Air Eject Key's Rumored Alternative Actions

In case you haven't noticed yet, there's an eject button at the top right corner of the MacBook Air keyboard. There's no disc drive, but you push it, something pops out. Somewhere. Click. Schwing. Poop. Some people say this key ejects the optional SuperDrive, but after countless—or maybe just three—days of in-deep investigation in cocktail bars and going through the trashcans outside Jonathan Ive's house, we've compiled a list of potential actions:

Ejects random F-15 Eagle National Guard pilot currently flying over the US.

• Activates road speed bump.

Launches Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles while playing War Games with demented mainframes.

• Don't make war, make love and launch giant dildos instead. (NSFW)

• Fires up the farter-burner in jet-propelled toilet.

• Ejects Blu-ray and HD DVD players and turn TVs off at boring consumer electronics conventions.

• Launches space fighters in the middle of the desert. Then press again to see them self-destruct mid-flight.

• Kicks bad Imperial fake rock bands off the stage.

• Remotely makes Steve Jobs said "Boom!" at will during keynotes and events.

• Launches squirrels into oblivion.

• Activates self-destruction function in Manila envelope.

• Triggers portable secret RDF unit, making everyone 1.5 miles around you to fall in love and go to the store to buy one.

• Provokes fanboy orgasm. (NSFW)

• Provokes Slut Machine an orgasm. (NSFW)

• Provokes Slut Machine's fanboys an orgasm. (NSFW)

• Forces internal battery to self-destruct, eliminating the need to change it.

The SuperDrive eject thing? It's just a smoke screen I tell you, a smoke screen! So there you go, another rumor debunked. Got any other action? Post it in the comments. [Gizmodo Macbook Air coverage]