Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Remember the canned cheeseburgers? Now you can make yours even more yummylicious with canned 100% US bacon, cooked and ready to eat. Actually, forget the burger: make your own bacon sandwich using two additional layers of bacon instead of bread. Each can contains all the vitamins and minerals you need to keep a healthy life while pretending to work in front of the computer, and you can even use the remaining fat to polish iPhones and assorted gadgets.

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Canned Bacon Guarantees Full Heart Failure in 24 HoursS

Each can comes with 40 to 50 slices of lipids and protein, produced using three pounds of raw bacon plus:

• water

• salt

• sugar

• smoke flavoring

• sodium phosphates

• sodium erythorbate

• sodium nitrite

That's all the stuff any human flesh-eating zombie needs. $110 will buy you a full package of 12 cans of tasty cholesterol, heart bypasses not included. [MREdepot—thanks Kalle]