At Gizmodo, I get a lot of unsolicited app pitches. Some of them are great, others are less so.
But for every great app, there are thousands of shitty ones that never get written about (or downloaded). Some of them of knock-offs of more successful apps that already exist. Others are simply doomed to fail from the get-go.
Since I’ve received so many pitches during my two years time at this blog, I’d like to think of myself as a bit of an app expert, able to divine what will surely fail and what will live a long life at the top of the App Store charts. So in the spirit of Senior Week, I thought I’d send out some of my own ideas out into the universe just to see what sticks. For all you eager app developers out there, these ideas are 100 percent free. Build them, own them, make millions.
1) An app that’s the “Netflix of keeping track of ‘Netflix of’ apps”
2) Yelp for weed dealers
3) A stress relief app that automatically activates whenever Donald Trump tweets
4) An app that keeps track of my savings but just replays apocalyptic scenes from the film The Day After Tomorrow
5) An app that shows every concert I want to see as sold out, so I can just save the time and frustration
6) An app to remind me to set reminders for things I need to be reminded about
7) Another weather app
8) A calendar app that uses artificial intelligence to accurately set time aside everyday for a quick 15-minute existential crisis
9) A maps app that can reroute me around blocks that consistently smell like urine
10) A dating app that only matches people based on their Google search history between the hours of midnight and 6am.
11) A photo app that makes my selfies slightly better
12) A photo app that makes my selfies slightly worse
13) A ride car service that is only for dogs, so they can experience the joy of sticking their heads out car windows whenever they want.
14) A neural network that intelligently analyzes my Seamless and pedometer app and knows when to call my physician for help
15) A Reddit reader that filters idiocy and posts beginning with “I’m not a racist/sexist, but”
16) An app that helps you unplug from your digital life but deletes itself every time you try to open it thus showing you the path to true happiness
17) A countdown clock app for when the sun is expected to explode, consuming our Earth and everything that has ever existed in hot cosmic fire
18) An app that can set this blog to self-destruct in 5 seconds
Got some great app ideas yourself? I want to hear them. It’s my job.