The headline humor is the work of Gizmodo head honcho Brian Lam, but the iPad app, called Telecom Tycoon HD, is all Telect. It's sort of like SimCity or RollerCoaster Tycoon, but with cell towers and consumer-screwing subscription plans!

Unlike a cellphone plan, however, the app is free, and features many of the world-building mechanics we've come to known and love with this type of game.

Players begin with a lowly 2G network and can attempt to work their way up to 4G. Success is based on subscriber numbers and how well you fend off competitors.

No word on whether or not there's a special smartphone that you can use to differentiate your network from others, but since this runs on an iPad, surely there's a JesusPhone unlockable buried in there somewhere, right? Be careful though, if you decide to use it your competition can counter with a flash attack! [Apps Hopper]