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Control-A-Cat Remote Only Makes Cats More Frustrating

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Dear Manufacturer: As the owner of two dumb felines, I was pleased when you introduced the 21-button Control-A-Cat remote with "meow" and "catch mice" functionality. But certain buttons on my unit don't seem to work.

For instance, no matter how hard I push "use litter tray," Wynona still prefers to use the linoleum floor just in front of the litter tray. Is this a calibration issue?


And when I aim the thing straight at Wade and press "Get Off—Shelf," he just looks at me. And that's the other problem: Even when I'm not pressing certain buttons such as "Remain Aloof" "Cat Nap" and "Eject Fur Ball," the cats seem to be performing those tasks anyway. It's as if they have minds of their own! Maybe there's a good reason you don't print a toll-free tech support number on the package.


Wilson, Frustrated Cat Owner

[Amazon via Book of Joe and Apartment Therapy]