Democratic Convention Protestors Will Be Blasted With Ray Guns and Sticky Goo

If you’re unhappy that Hillary Clinton lost the nomination to Barack Obama, you better think twice before showing your displeasure at next month’s Democratic National Convention. According to CNN, the city of Denver is purchasing tons of high-tech weapons to use on unruly DNC protesters, which may include goo-guns that shoot an impossible-to-escape sticky film, sonic ray guns that produce a blood-curdling blast of noise, and a microwave device that can make you feel like your skin is burning. The ACLU is suing the city to see what weapons will end up in the final arsenal, but if you’re going to the Denver, be prepared; this could make the 1968 DNC look like a picnic. [CNN]

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Actually, as it'll be right in my backyard, I don't mind all this. I do think the hype over protests is getting out of hand, though. Protests are pretty old hat around here, and they're generally very peaceful and nobody gets hurt. I'm really quite optimistic that things will go well. The folks who get out of hand will be arrested and respectfully detained. One thing we won't stand for is property destruction, though. My physician thinks it's going to be a wild, ape-crap riot, but I don't see it.