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Everything You Need To Completely and Utterly Humiliate Your Pet

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Your pet gives you nothing but undying love and affection from the crack of dawn until they curl up by your feet at night. So why not repay their selfless admiration with toys and accessories that make them look and feel like nothing but a sight gag? Here's everything you need to completely and utterly humiliate your pet, leaving no doubt that stain they left on the living room rug wasn't an accident.


Quack Muzzle

All your dog is really trying to do is alert you to nearby dangers. But with this duck bill-shaped muzzle you can not only keep them quiet and stop them from nipping at strangers, but also completely embarrass them in the process. Is it any wonder they don't like going for walks when they grow old? $20


Escape Preventing Harness

Not only does this escape preventing harness tell other animals this dog's owner was too lazy to train them not to run off, it also tells them that they're confident their animal is stupid enough to be easily foiled by a stick attached to their collar. It's as insulting as it is affective. $30

Toilet Dog & Cat Water Bowl

If you think what you do behind closed doors in the bathroom is any mystery to your pets, you're only fooling yourself. So imagine how they must feel when you serve them up fresh water in a miniature toilet. You both know what it's really for, but only one of you has no choice but to drink from this bowl. $40


Cagey Cube Ball Toy

Your pets understand you have to work to pay the kitty litter and dog treat bills. But leaving them to spend their days with one of these puzzle type toys is just insulting. Did your parents trap Optimus Prime or Barbie inside a rubber cage to keep you occupied? Why should your pet need the same distraction—they know how to nap. $15


Humunga Stache Dog Toy

The look on this poor bulldog's face just about sums up how funny your dog will find this novelty moustache toy. Their first reaction to getting a shiny new rubber ball to play with will be pure ecstasy, until they catch themselves in a mirror and realize you've just tricked them into looking like a fool. $15


Jockey Rider Dog Costume

Possibly the pinnacle of pet humiliation, miniature costumes for dogs and cats are as insulting as it gets. But at the bottom of the barrel are these tiny saddles. They're ok for horses who could trample you to death in retaliation, but strapping a tiny saddle to a helpless dog who can't even see what you've done to them is downright torture. $30


Dog-o-Matic Pet Wash

There's a special place in doggy heaven for pets who are forced to use this Dog-o-Matic machine. It's like a miniature carwash for K9s with owners who don't want to be hassled with cleaning their pets. If your pet is capable of displaying sadness and disappointment in you, you'll see it once this contraption roars to life. $20-50 per wash