How to Build a Food Processor That Slices and Dices in a Thousandth of a Second

Impressed by late-night infomercial ads for blenders that can hack and slash through ice, nuts, and rocks? They might as well be primitive neanderthal tools compared to NightHawkInLight’s latest creation, which can turn potatoes into slivers and cabbage into coleslaw in the blink of an eye.


You also don’t need to worry about easy monthly installments for this blender. It’s based on an air cannon you can build yourself, upgraded with slicing blades on the business end that julienne, dice, and shred anything that comes blasting out of it. Of course, it’s not the most convenient thing in the world—everything goes, uh, everywhere. But imagine how much time you’ll save at meal prep, assuming you can find enough of the food shrapnel to put together a dish!




Factory-cut french fries are often made this way. Potatoes drop into a water stream, get shoved quickly down a pipe and into a cutting grid at the end of pipe. Fries shoot out the end and land in a fryer for par-frying.

It’s not as violent as this because, well, they are actually trying to make a product people can eat.