How to Watch Jeff Sessions Testify, but Remember Not to Laugh At Him or You'll Literally Be Arrested Like That Woman Who Chuckled During His Confirmation Hearing Yeah Remember That Shit It Was Wild

Attorney General Jeff Sessions in the White House in Washington on March 28, 2017 (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)
Attorney General Jeff Sessions in the White House in Washington on March 28, 2017 (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

All the major TV networks are carrying today’s testimony of Attorney General Jeff Sessions to the Senate Intelligence Committee. But if you’re not in front of a TV, you may be looking for a way to watch it online for free. Well, we’ve got you covered. Just make sure not to laugh at Sessions. Because the last woman who did that was arrested and convicted for doing so.


The Sessions hearing is scheduled to start at 2:30pm Eastern, 11:30am Pacific, 1:30pm Selma time. The best YouTube livestream is from PBS Newshour and Fusion has a Facebook livestream.

And while you may be thinking that you can laugh all you want from the safety of your own computer at home or your workstation, I would advise against any chuckles, guffaws, or yuck-em-ups. You can never be too careful in the age of ubiquitous electronic surveillance and vindictive pricks.

Back in January, Jeff Sessions was answering questions during a Senate confirmation hearing when a woman, Desiree Fairooz, laughed audibly after a senator said that Sessions treated people equally.

During the surreal hearing, Senator Richard Shelby proclaimed that Sessions had a “clear and well-documented” history of “treating all Americans equally under the law,” which caused Fairooz to laugh for roughly two seconds. Sessions, of course, was denied a federal judgeship back in the 1980s precisely because he’s a racist who does not treat all Americans equally under the law.

The 61-year-old Fairooz, who is associated with the protest group Code Pink, was otherwise quiet during the hearing, but was immediately arrested for her chuckle. Fairooz was convicted and her sentencing is scheduled for June 21st where she faces 6 months in prison.

But take a lesson from her experience, and just shut your trap during today’s testimony, where Sessions will try to explain himself in the wake of James Comey’s damning testimony about obstruction of justice and the Russia investigation.

Or, if you’re outside of earshot, laugh away. It might just be our last chance to do so before laughter is made illegal in the rest of the United States. Because laughing at Jeff Sessions can get you up to 6 months in prison in the land of the free and the home of the brave.



JujyMonkey: unstable genius

I’ve said it before: Jeff Sessions was a little too racist for 1986, but just racist enough for 2017.