Meticulously documenting all of your enemies is not only a smart-sounding goal but should you manage to follow through, it’s a sure-fire way to stop yourself from forgetting to think about all of your haters, every day. Keeping a weathered eye on one’s haters is the first step to becoming a hater oneself, which, as an aside, is another lofty goal you might consider next year.

Allowing all your haters to reside inside your head, figuratively speaking, of course, can help to nurture your own little bundle of hate, whose growth has become stunted inside you after years of pretending to be the kind of person who—as Doug Stanhope once put it—“feeds people chili dogs and lets shit slide.” Growing and eating your hate, as any human child past the age of five can tell you, is highly preferable to subsisting on the hate of other people.

In that way, it’s a little like smelling your own farts.

Your enemies are constantly scheming and they’re always talking about you. You’re practically the center of their universe. The very least you could do, ya dick, is put them all on a neat list, keep it close at hand, and maybe stare at it in silence periodically throughout the day at least five times a week.