Is this the kiss you've been waiting for from Once Upon A Time?

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Ahh... now this is more like it. While I don't agree with the a lot of the things happening on this show, "Good Form" was a jolly good episode. Mostly because it spent all of its time centered around the best characters. Plus there was kissing!


Spoilers ahead...

This week's flashback was all about Hook, pre Hook hand. Its sill not clear how he got his namesake, but fingers crossed it has something to do with the one person holding this whole show together, Peter Pan. Seriously if they renamed this show "let's murder everyone except Peter Pan," I would be a lot more into it. EDITOR NOTE: SORRY RUMPS TOOK IT, SPACED ON THAT ONE.

Turns out Hook used to have a very different life as a little bitch boy to his brother. Together they sailed a ship made out of a bazillion Pegasus feathers (so apparently that's a thing) to Neverland to pick up a magic serum that was definitely not a terrible poison that will kill everyone, definitely not. Of course they are talking about the magic poison that has been given more screen time than any actual fairy tale character at this point because coming up with plots is hard. Not every episode can be a ridiculous treasure hunt... oh, it can?? Never mind. Apparently, it can.

So Hook and his brother who are all "HA HA HA HA HA GOOD FORM, GOOD SHOW, WHITE PEOPLE. NAUTICAL BLAZERS HA HA HO HO. THE MIGHTY SEA. PIP PIP." They find out that the poison the King sent them to Neverland to fetch is most definitely poison. Because again, these are not fully formed people, rather fellows with as much common sense as the toilet-paper-hawking bears on the Charmin commercials. But that's OK.

To prove that the poison definitely isn't poison, Hook's older brother stabs himself with the thorns, which is just good science. He dies almost immediately. And then Pan steps in and saves the brother by pointing him to the natural Neverland springs "but the magic comes with a price." As all magic does. They get to their realm that is made up of a never ending supply of pegasusi, and the brother drops down dead. THE END.

This frustrates Hook so that he's like FUCK THESE NAUTICAL COATS.

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And that's basically it. He lights the Peagasus sail on fire so no one can return to Neverland, but we all know that doesn't work out so OK, whatever — I guess that's another flashback.

Meanwhile (back in the real time of Neverland) Prince Charming is being SUCH A TWAT. Seriously, David is the biggest dodo dum-dum I have ever witnessed on the idiot box. First, he gets poisoned by the magic sap thorn things. And is immediately dying. But instead of informing his highly traumatized family of this pressing matter (both of whom have magical powers of true love and Emma's sad face thing), he decides to let himself die while they run around aimlessly on a journey that may not work trying to get back his grandkid. Watching this guy make decisions is equivalent to raking my own fingernails across my face and chest. It's like watching a really cute puppy take an SAT test. And instead of answering questions, the puppy just pisses all over the test and falls asleep in his own puppy urine. You can't get mad at the puppy, but you can get mad at the adult.


Yada yada... Hook saves Charming, which then allows Charming to lie yet again to his family about not being able to leave Neverland. To the magical people, who can make fire with their hands. Don't worry everyone, Charming is on the case. I sincerely hope that when all this crap comes to light, Emma beats him to death with a tire iron.

But alas, Emma cannot see the lunacy because she's wrapped up in the first smart plan they've hatched this season. Kidnap a Lost Boy, rip his heart out and find Henry. Bing bang boom.

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Regina gets to the heart ripping and voila — first contact with Henry. The Lost Boy also informs the girls that Henry is the MOST SAVAGE recruit they've ever had because of this one time he scratched his cheek... Hopefully this kid that they now have complete control over can take them directly to Henry. Because that would make the most sense... right? Not holding my breath, but I'm happy to see magic being used in a smart way.

And finally, Hook kisses Emma after a bit of weird, skin crawlingly familiar "you can't handle it," banter. It was the kind of newbie flirt maneuver one would play on a slightly younger crush. Something that sounds sexy in your head, but is decidedly not sexy when spoken out loud. But you say it anyway, then later in the shower you remember what you said and just scream in embarrassment.


Thankfully Hook delivers that "as you wish," after Emma blows him off and... it's hot. I don't want them to get together, but I like watching Hook flutter his eye-linered eyes and be all pirate-hey-I-have-a-lot-chest-hair guy. Still holding out for a Neal and Emma reunited kiss though.

The cherry on top of the whole episode? Peter Pan (a child) showing up and ruining the entire thing by informing Hook that Neal is not only alive, but on the island. Womp womp. Poor Hook.


Overall, two hooks up. More Hook, please.


F'mal DeHyde

Hook looks even better without the guyliner. The kid that plays Peter Pan is DELIGHTFUL, I hope he has a long, distinguished career ahead of him. I still think Charming looks like a drooler and he's now acting like one. His character gets more and more stupid as the show progresses. And would someone please do something about Snow's eyebrows? They're nearly as distracting as the Red Queen's horrifying lips on Wonderland.