During an interview today with detritus collector Mike Allen, Ryan talked about a lot of things that I did not bother to listen to. Right at the end, however, my ears perked up, because Allen decided to ask him about GIFs, his one true passion (besides denying people health care coverage and humorlessly slobbering all over Donald Trump’s ring).
The segment in question starts around the 1:03:05 mark:
Why are you laughing, audience members?
In the event you don’t want to watch even 30 seconds of Paul Ryan opining about the internet, however, here is a transcript:
Mike Allen: You’re known for texting your members. I understand that your texts have a new, fun addition ...
Paul Ryan: Yeah! I learned this ... You’re talking about GIFs, or giphies? What are these things called? GIFs? Yeah, these things are awesome!
I learned about this thing three weeks ago, I didn’t know. Someone sent me one. I got one with Stifler here, doing “Yes!” It’s an Old School … He’s got a big mullet here.
I send GIFs to people who really don’t expect it from me. I got one with Britney Spears doing this [a thumbs up], Captain Obvious. These things are pretty damn funny, I think. I send this to people who really wouldn’t expect it from me, and it’s fun to watch their reactions.
Yet a few things remain unclear to me, even after watching the clip several times: Did Paul Ryan learn about GIFs three weeks ago, or did he merely learn about iMessage’s Giphy integration? Does he think Stifler—a character from the American Pie movies—was also present in Old School, which is an entirely different cinematic universe? Why is Paul Ryan?
The GIF bit concluded the interview, but not before Mike Allen ran through a giant list of the event’s corporate sponsors. Have you ever heard Mike Allen stumble over the word “naked”? I recommend it.
Anyway, Paul, listen: I’d love to get some GIFs from you. I’ll even send you some back.