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Once You Hear David Hasselhoff Rap About Guardians of the Galaxy Your Life Will Never Be the Same

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Yesterday, we got the song list for the Awesome Mix Vol. 2. Today, the Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 soundtrack has become available for purchase, but nothing you may have heard about it has prepared you for the original composition “Guardians Inferno,” which features David Hasselhoff. Rapping. About Star-Lord.

Listen to this and behold... weird perfection.

Unsurprisingly, the lyrics come from writer/director James Gunn, who recruited Hasselhoff because he’s supposed to be one of Peter Quill’s childhood heroes.


You kind of need to see the lyrics in black and white to fully appreciate them:

Getting down and dirty with a procyon lotor

Got no people skills but he’s good with motors

That weird thing by his side an infantilized sequoia

The two of them walk by, people say “Oh Boy-a”

They ask me why I’m bringin’

A baby into battle

“Thats really irresponsible”

And getting them rattled

I say “Give me a break

Get off my back dammit”

I didn’t learn parenting

My daddy was a planet

In these times of hardship

Just remember:

We are Groot

The part about his dad being a planet tells us that the rap is from the perspective of Star-Lord, who was clearly very affected by the disco Star Wars album by Meco. And, in case you were wondering, Gunn is very proud of rhyming “procyon lotor” (raccoon, to the rest of us) with “motor.”


I’ve only listened to this thing twice and it’s going to be lodged in my brain forever. Join me, won’t you?