Have you forgotten who stars in the Kingsmen prequel The King’s Man? I wouldn’t blame you if you had, honestly. The film was originally meant to premiere in the distant prehistory of November 2019—yeah, nearly full two years ago—before getting pushed back to March of 2020, when recorded history began. The ancient scroll tells us of some mysterious event that further delayed The King’s Man and many of the other legendary movies of yore, to the very year we find ourselves in. Luckily—or perhaps cunningly—20th Century has released a new video reminding you of the movie’s who’s who.
I can’t believe no one has ever pointed this out before, but it’s really weird that this movie is called The King’s Man when there are actually multiple men in it! And not just men, but men who don’t seem to be serving the king at all! Also, one of the men is actually a woman! Ha ha, only in Hollywood, I guess!
Those men include Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) as the Duke of Oxford, a.k.a. Oxford; the Maleficent sequel’s Prince Philip (Harris Dickinson) as Conrad; and Korath the Pursuer (Djimon Hounsou) as Shola. Gretel the Witch Hunter (Gemma Arterton) plays Polly the female woman. Weirdly, there are other men in the film, including noted actors Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), Baron Zemo (Daniel Brühl), Tywin Lannister (Charles Dance), and the Lizard (Rhys Ifans), the latter as Rasputin, although they don’t get name-checked, presumably because they’re someone else’s Men instead of the King’s. Likely, they’re the evil cabal who want to kill millions of people during World War I, which is also weird because as far as I know World War I killed bunches of people just fine on its own.
If the prophecies are to be believed, The King’s Man will finally arrive on December 22, 2021. May God have mercy on our souls.
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