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The Tale of the Beached XBox

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.

Ladies and Gentlemen, look what the wild and uncontrolled urbanization of our nation's shores hath wrought! Every day millions—or one or two—XBoxes wash up onto our beaches where they die an excruciating and horrible death. They are lured to the sands by the lights of million-dollar condos and teenage jackanapes involving beer and bonfires.


Actually, photographer blmurch was strolling along the beach when she found this rusted shell of an Xbox on the shore. Not much is known about the circumstances, because this is all via a flickr photostream. A journalist was on the scene to do an interview with his digital voice recorder, naturally, but I have no idea where that interview wound up. So, until someone uncovers the truth behind this mysterious Microsoft conspiracy, I invite all of you to send us stories about the sad fate of this beached Xbox—the message in the bottle, so to speak. Perhaps this aquatic Xbox washed ashore to drop its eggs (this is how Xbox 360s are made) and failed to scoot back out to sea along with the rest of his family. I'm sure Greenpeace will soon get involved to save the Xbox and preserve its natural habitat. Send your tales to tips with Beached Xbox in the subject line. [Thanks, Girlman!]

Finding a Dead Xbox on the Beach [flickr stream]

UPDATE: Here is the Livejournal entry to accompany the photos. And the interview is here. Thanks Beatrice!


Read the Beached Xbox theories after the jump...


... to shed some light on the washed up xbox, i can tell you it was probably just an xbox in a house that was washed away by hurricane katrina somewhere on the gulf coast in Mississippi. when we went to survey our damage after the storm we found lots of electronics. The weekend before the storm my cousin bought a 40 inch (i think it was 40 inches) Sony HD-TV. It was a thing of beauty, then the storm hit and obliterated everything. the apartment complex / condominium complex was literally reduced to rubble, we did however manage to find our tv, see the attached pic.

This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.


This beached Xbox is most likely due to the flooding of a home with an Xbox. Since the Flikr user who posted this is in California, this seems likely. The house gets flooded/swept away by floodwaters, the goods in the house get swept away by said floodwaters into tributaries, rivers and then the sea where they get washed out and stay or (depending on their boyancy and weight) stop just past the shore and get pushed ashore by wave currents.

On a recent visit to Key West, which was flooded by a hurricane a few weeks before, I saw home building materials and a buried household appliance electrical cord (maybe the whole appliance if I had dug further) right on South Beach.




I think this unit was so horrified by how bad Sean
Connery sounded doing his James Bond voice for the
"From Russia With Love" XBox game that it ripped out
its cords, ran to the nearest beach, and threw itself
in the water!!



On Tuesday, December 15, X-Box 10003421.1 became
self-aware. This would have been a marvelous surprise
for young Billy Firth of 1001 Marvin Lane, Pawkatuck,
Rhode Island. Unfortunately, Billy had tossed
10003421.1 out of his brother s car window on Monday
after receiving an X-Box 360 from a Korean seller on

It is most certain that scientist will argue for
years about the combinations of factors that could
have lead to this state of consciousness. Leading
theories attribute the event to a combination of an
illegal mod chip, fortuitous re-routing of electronic
pathways through soda spills and the little heart
shaped magnet that Billy s younger sister had placed
on the hard drive.

Whatever the case, it is hard to imagine the view of
the world that 10003421.1 experienced. Certainly the
optic component of the CD drive and the attached Xbox
live headset must have correlated to sight and
hearing, but it hard to say with any certainty what
the world looks like to a binary brain. One thing is
quite certain though: 10003421.1 had a purpose in

Several witnesses who were mostly sober while being
interview swore that on that fateful day, they saw
10003421.1 slowly yet purposefully moving towards the
ocean. One can only imagine the determination required
to propel oneself using only the vibration of feedback
controllers. Over the course of a week, 10003421.1
moved the necessary two miles to the town beach.
During this time 10003421.1 seems to have formed a
friendship with an injured local chipmunk. This label
of friendship perhaps purely baseless
anthropomorphication, but it has been noted that the
only time the game console stopped in its long trek
was to provide cover for the young chipmunk as a large
cut on its legs healed.

On December 21, 10003421.1 reached the shore. By now,
its daily progress was being watched intently by a
group of local hobos who had long ago given up their
lives on the rails. They report that they had expected
it to keep going into the deep blue, but upon reaching
the sand it circled a whole day until finding a quiet
spot in the midst of some prime skipping stones.

What was 10003421.1 thinking? Surely it would have
been aware that the salty air would soon corrode its
miraculous circuits beyond repair. Surely this child
of technology would hold no special memories of the
ocean in its electronic heart. Surely self-awareness
pre-supposes a certain level of self preservation!
Perhaps, but perhaps on this quiet winter beach
10003421.1 finally found some tranquil respite from
hours of simulated fragging, football and formula
racing. Whatever the case, the hobos report that
10003421.1 s hard drive let out one final hum of
contentment and then was heard no more.



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