This Random Hookup Justifies Star-Crossed's Existence As a TV Show

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There are still a lot of things that it's hard to take seriously about Star-Crossed. Almost everybody's an asshole. The main love triangle is kaput. They're constantly threatening to unleash Dark Cyber. But at least this show is having some fun with its wacky premise. Just watch this random weird sex scene.


Seriously, that subplot is so excellent, I feel as though all the time I have spent, or will spend, watching this show is already worthwhile. Entirely.


In a nutshell, Drake, the big bruiser Atrian dude, is trying to be a Trag, helping to unleash Dark Cyber* on the humans. Dark Cyber, by the way, is the name of my new goth-industrial band. Unfortunately, Drake is supposed to meet his contact, who's a secret Atrian, at the big party, and he's easily confused.

Meanwhile, Taylor, the school mean girl who has always hated and feared the aliens, suddenly wants to bone Drake really bad. Like, really really bad. Taylor even befriends Sophia — who turns out to be secretly in love with Taylor, so it's like Taylor is leading her on without meaning to — so Taylor can learn more about how to get with Drake.


The "wacky misunderstanding" scene where Drake thinks Taylor is his secret underground Trag contact and meanwhile Taylor thinks Drake's attempts to be a badass spy are flirtation, is just perfect and hilarious. And then they get together and boink, as only two incredibly hot and clueless people can. Only to realize the truth. Oh, and Teri, the daughter of the Trag leader, is pissed that Drake gets entrusted with the Dark Cyber mission instead of her. But the Trag secret agent, who wears 1000 layers of lipgloss, taunts Teri with how bad she is at being a Trag.


It all culminates in Drake having a momentary qualm about using Dark Cyber to kill all the humans in this town — which, if that happens, wouldn't more humans just arrive from other towns to find out what happened? I don't think they have enough Dark Cyber to wipe out two towns full of people, just one. But Teri reminds Drake that the humans put their loved ones into the Crate, and Drake remembers that he wants revenge.

In the episode's other subplots, meanwhile, Roman finds the phone his dad was communicating with — and it leads him to look for Eljida, the semi-mythical sanctuary of the Atrians on the Bayou. And he finds it in like five minutes, but has to leave before the ferryman gets there. But Roman finds out that Gloria, his school counselor and Integration program leader, was hooking up with his dad, and now Roman doesn't know what to believe any more. He doesn't know what to believe!


And in the "C" plot, Emery is still dating Grayson, who gets dragged into Red Hawk business when two Red Hawks go rogue and beat up a human shopkeeperwho sold Atrian merch or something. The Red Hawks really ought to step up their game — they're showing mean videos and beating up humans, while their opponents are unleashing Dark Cyber. I know which side I would root for, in this instance.

Mostly, though, this show is getting more fun by leaps and bounds — and honestly, if it continues to be a series of hilarious misunderstandings and hot sexytimes, punctuated by Matt Lanter looking serious and talking about Integration, I'm along for the ride. All the way to Eljida, or wherever we end up.



* — I know it's actually Dark Ciper or something. But I am never going to stop calling it Dark Cyber. Never ever.