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What should our post-apocalyptic currency be?

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Sorry if today's mail is a little short; I've been chased by a group of assholes through what I believe is the entirety of Idaho. Here's a tip for any other post-apocalyptic travelers posing as postmen — no matter how badly someone makes fun of you for your mailman uniform, if they have a gun and friends, do not loudly announce to everyone in their village that you'll be delivering his erectile dysfunction medicine next month. As always, email your questions to Now, on with your letters!

Bad Romance

Ken P.
I haven't seen Warm Bodies, but I'm troubled by this new trend in paranormal romance, urban fantasy and it's effect on our impressionable girls. Do we really want to be raising a generation of girls who swoon with quivering loins at the first undead abomination, ork, C.H.U.D or T 1000 to emerge from perdition's flame? As far as I'm concerned, those girls are traitors to the human race.

Back in the day when a maniacal super villain was rampaging through Europe, the greatest generation stepped up and shaved the heads of any girls who were caught cavorting with Colonel Klink and his crout eating friends. It sent a powerful message to the Hitler Youth "You want to wave a luger and goose step around Europe? So be it, but you'll receive no lovin from our attractive daughters."

Next thing you know we'll have oversensitive teenage boys with eyeliner clamoring to become patient zero because the chicks dig it and it's the only cure for their misunderstood loneliness. Wont anyone think of the children?!


First of all, I'm pretty sure you mean "kraut-loving," unless the Nazis had a thing from croutons I'm unaware of.


Second, I wouldn't be too worried about it. The current lady-interest in monsters is very specific, in that they're sexy, non-dangerous monsters — vampires who sparkle, werewolves with abs who wear cargo shorts — they're a long way from falling for a CHUD. As for Warm Bodies, I haven't seen it yet, but I'm pretty sure the romantic lead only falls for the zombie as he gets more human, not from the brain-eating get go. And it's not like you read any blogs swooning over the zombies of The Walking Dead.

In short, I believe the current romantic interest in monsters is merely a fad, and most teenage girls with posters of Edward and Jacob on their walls would readily run at the sight of a real vampire or werewolf (which is not a gender slight, as I too would run like hell. It's the sensible thing to do). Of course, I am not a lady, but only a fake postman. Would any ladies care to comment on the situation?


That's a Mouthful

Steven C.:
I was wondering if you could give me a detailed answer for my query. I was recently eating food and I noticed there were these ridges along the roof of my mouth. I quickly searched for their purpose but I found nothing concrete. Some people said it kept food from falling out of your mouth, others say it helps break the food down for digestion, but nothing super scientific, like I'm looking for. Can you tell me why we have them and what exactly they do?


Absolutely. The scientific reason is that our mouths are part of molds used to create large Star Trek Klingon action figures back in the ‘70s; our mouths were obviously used to help create the Klingons' ridged foreheads. The more you know!

Late Night(wing) TV

Brian LeBail:
Regarding your comments [last week] on a Batman TV series, why not a Nightwing series with the odd appearance of Batman?


Why not indeed? It makes perfect sense — you get all the Batman basics, while keeping Batman free for his cinematic endeavors. The problem is that people don't know who Nightwing is, and when I say people, I mostly mean Hollywood executives. Sure, Dick Grayson has been Nightwing almost as long as he was Robin (Robin debuted in 1940, and became Nightwing in 1984) but he's never reached the pop culture awareness of Robin, or Aquaman, or even Green Arrow. Which is why we almost had a show about the Graysons instead of an infinitely more sensible Nightwing show.


Note: I know this doesn't explain how a Birds of Prey TV series starring Oracle, Huntress and Black Canary got made back in 2002. I don't know what to tell you there. I will say, however, it does kind of explain why it was canceled after 13 episodes and why Hollywood execs have been unwilling to base shows around these lesser-known characters since.

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

Joshua N.
What do you think will become the new form of currency after the world tries to destroy itself? The Fallout series and many others for that matter favor bottle caps. I'm interested to see if you have a better idea.


Well, the most accurate answer is that we'll probably go to a barter system, woth most trades based around food, water, gasoline and booze.

Choosing something else as a currency — whether it be cash, gold, bottle caps, etc. — requires everyone to subscribe to the notion that the currency has a specific value, and if there are zombies, mutants, or cannibal bikers roaming around, getting everyone to agree to an arbitrary monetary system is going to be difficult to say the least. Which is why when I play Fallout and offer someone bottle caps I always expect them to look at me like I'm an asshole.


That said, here are some ideas: books (gonna be real boring after the apocalypse), toilet paper (self-explanatory), He-Man toys (admittedly a personal preference, because then I'd be rich), kittens (whose cuteness has intrinsic, universally regarded value).

The Name Game

Francis R.
Dear Mr. Bricken,
I hope you can answer a question that's been bugging me for awhile. If Star Trek fans are known as Trekkers/Trekkies and Firefly/Serenity fans are known as Brownshirts, what are Star Wars, Babylon 5, and Stargate SG-1/Atlantis/Universe fans known as? Please also add any fun facts on the origins of said fan base nicknames. Thanks for your patience and consideration.


God, I love doing this. Back in my Anime Insider magazine days, I managed to name Bleach fans Bleach Bums, Death Note fans Death Nuts, and Code Geass fans Ge-Asses (I also named Gundam fans Gundimwits, which I admit was not my best work). But naming these major fandoms? I've been waiting for this opportunity all my life.


Stargate: Gatekeepers, obviously.

Babylon 5: Five Guys (although I'm open to other suggestions).

Star Wars: There's a reason why no one has effectively coined a term for Star Wars fans over the last 35 years, and that's because it's so damn tough. Honestly, Padawans would make the most sense, but since Padawans is such a stupid-sounding word, that's not going to happen. Mandalorians is too clunky and too obscure; Jedi is too obvious. Personally, I think all hardcore Star Wars fans should call themselves members of "Rogue Squadron," named after Wedge's group of badass X-Wing pilots. If every Star Wars fan in the world would agree to this nomenclature I and the world would be most appreciative.


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