You Are Not Rich, Sophisticated, or Handsome Enough to Own the Tag Heuer Meridiist Phone

Watchmaker Tag Heuer has put up a teaser video for their forthcoming Meridiist phone, and boy is it a slap in the face to everyday Joe Sixpacks like you and me. The phone isn't really, as one suit in the video notes, "A very nice... a very nice PIECE OF ART," but when the big innovation is bringing the stunning features of wristwatches to mobile phones (that's right, the Meridiist has a built-in clock!), you can't blame them for reaching a bit. The phone's selling points: made from the finest rubber (?) and alligator skin, creating a "sensual experience," and to top it off, it is "in some way the first pocket watch of the 21st century!" Never mind that it looks like the obese offspring of my first Nokia candybar from 1998 and an HTC Touch Diamond, conceived in a French executive's board room— it's expensive and so you must want one. [Thanks, Nebosja!]

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I always thought that "Heuer" sounded like the noise you'd make while being gut-punched.

And Tag? Do they make that classy, sophisticated body spray that makes you smell like any number of Christmas-tree-shaped car air fresheners?