All week, Amazon promoted its Prime Day sale as a “bigger than Black Friday” shopping bonanza. But today, a lot of the discounts look like they fell off a truck headed to a poorly regulated flea market for sad people held in a dumpster.
Here are some of the turkeys of Prime Day:
“Lighter Bro” Lighter Sleeve
In case you’ve ever wanted your lighter to be a pocket knife to be a quick way for people to decide not to sleep with you
A Half Dollar for $70
In what world is buying something for literally 140 times its value as legal tender a “deal”
Ted Movie Talking 8 Inch “Ted” Bear (Rated R)
Save $20.99, gain a toy for adult virgins
2-Pack of Balaclava
Beard Growther (Grow Your Own Beard Fast)
“Deal is 68% claimed”
Slendertone Replacement Gel Pads for All Slendertone Abdominal Belts
You know, the worst part of this is it assumes that Prime customers not only own a Slendertone Abdominal Belt but that they still haven’t figured out it’s a scam and are inclined to buy Slenderton Abdominal Belt accoutrements
Adam Sandler 4-Movie Collection
No Waterboy? Sometimes it’s like, what’s the point?
Solemates High Heeler
What imagination dreamt up a woman so devoted to high heels that she’ll wear them on grass/cobblestone but also be totally down with putting jackass-ugly clear imitation hooves over them?
The Lord of the Rings: The Motion Picture Trilogy
CPR Call Blocker
1997 called, it wants its call blocker back, but you missed the call because you bought a call blocker, tragic