Screenshot: Twitter

Oregon Governor Kate Brown, having apparently never used a chatroom in the ‘90s, declared November 20th to be a statewide “Day of Cyber.” While I would infer this to mean she wants everyone to wank to steamy AIM messages, the day is really meant to herald the launch of the Cyber Oregon Cybersecurity Awareness Initiative and encourage people to be more mindful online and better aware of cybersecurity.

Someone at the governor’s office evidently looked at all the words related to the internet and security and said, “I know, let’s ignore those words and go with a prefix that’s slang for sex online. Then let’s make the announcement at the Oregon Institute of Technology, because its logo definitely won’t remind people of another logo.”

What’s really incredible isn’t that everyone involved didn’t stop and think that maybe they shouldn’t ask people to detail their orgasms in explicit detail to a stranger who may or may not be 20 years old, buxom, blonde, and waiting, but that this isn’t even the first Day of Cyber!

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Last year, the National Security Agency launched it’s own Day of Cyber. The NSA’s Day of Cyber isn’t even about encouraging people to be more aware of cybersecurity. It’s just an NSA recruitment tool.

I know what you’re thinking: “Clearly the NSA’s Day of Cyber is a tool used to recruit horndog college kids with too much time on their hands by making bad sex jokes.” But nope, its primary audience is elementary school kids.

If, for some reason, you are unfamiliar with the term (presumably because you work for the NSA or the state of Oregon or in the White House) please do not use “cyber” as a synonym for “computers.” Sure, as a prefix you might see it modifying other words, as in “cyberterrorism” or “cyberwarfare” or “Cyber Monday,” but by itself, cyber usually has exactly one meaning.