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Amazon Erects 79-Foot Cylindrical Shaft in Times Square

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Look, I’m a straight woman with the maturity level of a 13-year-old boy. I am willing to admit that maybe—maybe—I sometimes see phalluses where they don’t exist. But this thing totally looks like a dick, right?

Amazon announced today that it had erected the “largest Times Square advertising installment ever,” which is actually a 79-foot-tall Echo replica. While it can’t listen to commands like the real thing, it does have fancy LED lights that mimic the ones that light up when you ask the actual gadget what the weather is today—or whatever it is people ask these things.

But back to the issue at hand. From the press release:

Standing over seven stories high, with a circumference of around 24 feet and weighing over seven tons, the giant aluminum Echo replica will be on display on Broadway between 44th and 45th Street now through June 25.


This is totally a dick, people. As a wise colleague of mine noted this morning, if it invites the comparison, it is a dick. Sure, it’s not exactly dick-like—it’s kind of flat at the top, it’s missing the testicle component, and it’s not tubular all the way around.

But on the other hand, it’s a 79-foot shaft in the middle of Times Square, and it’s next to a massive sign that says “Love is all you need.” Besides, if you were to actually slap a dick on a giant billboard, it couldn’t be entirely cylindrical. Moreover, some of our most celebrated examples of phallic architecture—the Eiffel Tower, the Agbar Tower, and Big Ben—aren’t strictly dickly, either.


Yet to my surprise, several other colleagues disputed my characterization. One claimed it looked like a giant e-cigarette; another argued that, while she thinks a lot of things look like dicks, this didn’t quite hit the spot for her.

So I put the question to you, readers: Is this thing a dick or nah?