As the Mutts’ onslaught of werewolf serial killers
continues, we learn Elena’s secret werewolf origin. But who cares when the
goddamn vodka marketing campaign Elena’s super-dull boyfriend is working on is
actually coming back into play?
Let’s start with the episode’s main plot, which is actually
quite slow. That hunter that Clay tussled with is missing, and obviously dead
and somewhere on the Danvers’ land. Before the Pack can take care of it, the
Sheriff and the other redneck hunters show up, so a great big posse forms to
search the 100 acres of land, including Elena and Nick. Elena smells the body,
she and Nick concoct an elaborate scheme to distract everybody (she fakes
twisting her ankle, Nick gets in a fight with a redneck) and Laura drags the
corpse somewhere else in wolf form.
Boom, done. But meanwhile we also flashback
to Clay and Elena’s early relationship, and when I say interesting I mean
bizarre. Clay is an anthropology professor who has written a book on
anthropomorphic relations? Uh-huh. And Elena is hired as his “typist”? Sure.
And they fall in love over the course of the semester while he dictates his
next book to her? What the hell is happening? But this just sets the stages for the real insanity when
Clay takes Elena to Stonehaven for the first time. First of all, Jeremy is
pissed, because 1) Clay didn’t tell him he was coming, and 2) it’s stupid for
Clay to have gotten engaged to a human girl. So he sends Clay away and serves
tea to Elena, which is when Clay, as a wolf, pads into the living room and just bites Elena directly on the hand
What the hell? Jeremy seems as surprised as Elena is that a
wolf has walked into the living room, and he cautions her against petting it, so I
assume he didn’t order Clay to do it. Also, no woman has ever survived “the
change” (as they so cleverly put it) before Elena, so this was a death sentence for all either of them knew. So I repeat: What the hell? Why did Clay bite her? Did something make
him? Is something going on here behind-the-scenes, or is this moment that makes zero sense like last week’s very unfortunate wolf sex harassment
scene?
Elena survives, obviously, but hates Clay. That doesn’t keep
her from policing the Mutts with him for two years before she kills that one
dude with the werewolf hand and decides to run off to Canada. (Note: I’m assuming
she hated Clay all that time, unless Clay did something else to her at the end of their two-year stint that made
her pissed off again.)
What else? Santos stops by to offer his proposal to Jeremy,
his information for being allowed in the pack again. Jeremy gets the
information and then says he’ll think about letting him back in. I’m sure that
won’t bite them in the ass at all. Elena’s super-dull boyfriend invites her to
a wedding, and Elena abandons the Pack to go home, even though they’re still under attack
by an unknown number of werewolf serial killers. That’ll also probably have no ramifications whatsoever. And speaking of
werewolf serial killers, the Mutt named Kane recruits a new one — a pedophile
who appears to have gotten his hands on Elena when she was little, so, eww.
But as mentioned above, the biggest development come during
the update of Dullfriend’s vodka marketing campaign. Dullfriend meets with his
client who — and I swear I’m not making this up — shows Dullfriend footage of
what are obviously (to the audience) footage of Elena and Logan as wolves running around, and asks
Dullfriend if he can somehow work it into the campaign. Dullfriend, like any
marketing executive when tasked with a completely insane request from a client,
just says sure and never even questions the fact this dude has given him a
video of giant wolves standing around in a forest and told him to make it somehow sell vodka.
And suddenly, this stupid vodka campaign is now the most
interesting part of the show. Unfortunately for Bitten, though, it’s still not that interesting.
Assorted Musings:
Early in the episode, when referring to the serial killer
whose scrapbook she stole, Elena says, “I’m the bitch that he wants.” Never do
that again, Bitten. Never.
Professor Clay tries to not hire Elena for his typist
position by claiming he doesn’t have time to train her to spell words like Tlinget (an indigenous tribe
of people on the northern Pacific coast). He does, apparently have time to blow
interviewing hundreds of underpaid stenographers until he finds one that
already has his ridiculously specific vocabulary. Clay’s a dick.
Clay gets naked awfully fast in his flashback sex scene
with Elena. They don’t even bother to lock his office door.
Apparently when Jeremy found Clay, he was a “feral swamp
boy.” This explains his hotheaded nature, and continues to make his sudden job
as an anthrolopogy professor all the more insane.
That shot of Jeremy, Clay and Nick in the doorway at the
end was ridiculous.
“You’re like a rook, Clay — stuck in your ways, zigzagging
all over the place.” DOS SANTOS DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO PLAY CHESS.
