Can of Goya Beans, but It’s Actually Filled With Bees

Illustration for article titled Can of Goya Beans, but It’s Actually Filled With Bees
Screenshot: Instagram/@realdonaldtrump

This may look like the president possibly violating ethics rules by posing with several Goya products in a blurry Instagram photo to spite a loosely organized boycott over the company’s pro-Trump CEO. But watch out there, Mr. Trump: One of those delicious Goya foodstuffs is filled with bees.


Gizmodo couldn’t confirm which Goya product contains the bees—they could be lurking in the cans of coconut milk and white hominy, buried just below the surface of the adobo seasoning, trapped in the box of wafers, or hiding within the bag of red kidney beans—but rest assured, it does contain them (bees). Not just your regular bees, either. These are ill-natured bees that were mean on an individual level to begin with and are now very angry because Goya accidentally packaged them en masse into a can, spice container, box, or bag of beans. And they are looking to sting because they have no other outlets for their pent-up aggression.

Also, the bees in question are not honey bees and so are capable of stinging multiple times, which they very much intend to do as soon as they are released from their Goya product packaging hell.

Be vigilant, Mr. Trump! These eusocial ruffians have no political allegiances and they mean business. Their leader has U.S. military experience, is wanted in several hives for hooliganism, and even has a little tattoo of an anchor on his arm and an eyepatch. It’s theoretically possible that another is holding a tiny bee crowbar or a miniature flamethrower that shoots hot honey.

Sir. Watch out for the bees.

[Disclaimer: Gizmodo has no knowledge of other Goya products containing angry bees. The only thing that’s for certain is that the President has bees.]

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Ravenous Sophovore

5 CFR § 2635.702(c)

An employee shall not use his public office for his own private gain, for the endorsement of any product, service or enterprise...