Counterpoint: Open Letter From a Movie Texting Asshole Nerd

Cinemark will now reward you for not texting during a movie. Instead of the more logical alternative, which is tasing you. Gizmodo reader Eyaare disagrees. Here is his counterpoint, presented without comment:


Okay. Listen.

I'm tired of getting called an idiot, or retard, or whatever else you fuckers call people who text during movies, alright? I'm not stupid. Maybe I lack courtesy. Maybe. That's behavioral. That ain't about intelligence. So get the stick outta yer bum.

Second, I'm not even texting, smartass. Like, 50 gazillion apps on this phone and you assume I'm just "ruining your experience" to continue a chat about my acquaintance's new dog. Please. But no, you know everything, you gotta be right, you read some fucking wikipedia articles vaguely related to psychology and you suddenly know what everyone's thinking. Shut up you psuedointellectual twat.

For your information, I'm tweeting. I've got 100 followers. So 100 people to hear what I say, verses whether you, one person, have to ignore a little light in the corner of your eye. Stop bitching. I'm more important than you. And, you're crying over a little light. Jesus. Get outside more often. Nerd.

I'm continuing the timeless tradition of spoiling movies. I'm enhancing the world's experience. Some people may not ever see "YuGiOh The Movie." I'm providing a service. They'll see my tweets, and next comiccon they won't feel left out. You're just sitting there watching a movie. As if your damn experience matters. You want to be able to ignore the other people in the movie theater? Buy the DVD. Torrent that shit. I don't care. I payed to sit in the same theater as you. Know what? You stink. Bad. You need to shower. But you don't see me equating your stench to a crime.

Can't live your life bound by the eye-rolling of society. Text in movies. Hell, play angry birds in movies. #YOLO


Image credit: Shutterstock/Patrizia Tilly

Share This Story