Google Rich Answers: Mr. Clean Is Asexual Because All Sex 'Is Just Too Dirty'

Photo: AP
Photo: AP

If you’ve ever googled a simple question like “How old is Ted Cruz?”, you’ve probably seen Rich Answers, which highlights featured responses from the web in a little white box. As it turns out, the search engine is just as eager to answer far more rabbinical questions like “Why am I so tired?” (thyroid disease maybe), “Where does lice come from?” (guinea pigs possibly) and “Is Mr. Clean gay?


As Twitter user Darren Lynch recently discovered, the answer to the last one is surprisingly complex:

“Mr. Clean is neither gay, straight nor bi, he is asexual because sex of any kind is just too dirty for him,” explains Google, quoting a Quora post from 2014. “His first love has always been cleaning. He can’t even bear to be seen in anything but clean, perfectly white clothes. So it has been his whole life.”

So there you have it, folks. Like both Spongebob and Jughead, Mr. Clean is ace.


Urambo Tauro

I guess that makes sense. Poor guy can’t have kids anyway, because...

he’s sterile.