WARNING NOT FOR SQUEAMISH
I love Gizmodo, but when Mark said, 'Do the rectum,' I thought it was asking a little too much. Thank the heavens above he was referring to this story.
It is common knowledge that prison would be a bitchin' hang out if: 1). There were no criminals about and 2). There were no rectal violations going on. Unfortunately, most prisons are founded on the above two tenets and Big Sandy penitentiary, in Kentucky, is no different. Thus, when an unidentified inmate's partner paid him a visit with an iPhone, our man was overwhelmed. He was so excited he probably did a sissy punch the air gesture and the like. However, after realising the law enforcement would confiscate his new toy, he did what any man would do: He shoved it up his ass.
Though it may have seemed to be a good idea at the time, when he came to retrieve the device he encountered some difficulty. It was stuck and he was royally screwed. Obviously, he lacked an IQ above 10, because instead of swallowing his pride and gaining some medical help he hoped, in vain and excruciating pain, that he would shit the device out. Man, did he wait—for three whole, colon-congested days.
The wall of his rectum became ripped and infected; finally he was forced to seek medical attention after he could no longer hide his discomfort. Upon operating, the flabbergasted doctors found, to their amazement, an iPhone—they tried hard to save the phone, but they were only doctors after all. They did an excellent job on the patient however, who is said to be recovering and is all set for more anal adventures when he returns to normal imprisoned life. We are guessing he is going to need some explanation to hand, drop any suggestions below. All aside, we hope you have all learnt a valuable lesson: Do not put an iPhone up your bum, you will probably have activation problems and reception will be poor. Not to mention the whole infection/pain thing.
UPDATE: This story is not confirmed with the original source. Someone's bum may or may not be in critical condition due to the JesusPhone.
[Fun Tech Talk]