It's true — CIA operatives are secretly running your life

Illustration for article titled It's true — CIA operatives are secretly running your life

Need another reason to feel paranoid? We're here for you. The person who blogs at the CIA website (yes there is apparently such a person) has just culled this tidbit from a 1944 manual called Simple Sabotage Field Manual. In one section we get some helpful tips for people who want to sabotage their evil government but aren't sure how to pitch in and help.


Here are those sabotage tips:

Managers and Supervisors: To lower morale and production, be pleasant to inefficient workers; give them undeserved promotions. Discriminate against efficient workers; complain unjustly about their work.

Employees: Work slowly. Think of ways to increase the number of movements needed to do your job: use a light hammer instead of a heavy one; try to make a small wrench do instead of a big one.

Organizations and Conferences: When possible, refer all matters to committees, for "further study and consideration." Attempt to make the committees as large and bureaucratic as possible. Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.

Telephone: At office, hotel and local telephone switchboards, delay putting calls through, give out wrong numbers, cut people off "accidentally," or forget to disconnect them so that the line cannot be used again.

Transportation: Make train travel as inconvenient as possible for enemy personnel. Issue two tickets for the same seat on a train in order to set up an "interesting" argument.

OK, correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like everybody in the U.S. is part of a massive CIA sabotage project to undermine order, efficiency, and the government! Especially mobile providers and airline operators.

On the bright side, knowing all this makes me feel a lot better about pretty much every aspect of my life. It's not that I'm surrounded by incompetence. I'm actually surrounded by a WELL OILED SABOTAGE MACHINE. Thank you, CIA, for giving me peace of mind.

Read more helpful CIA tips on the CIA site.



Filmmaking: Make a crappy SciFi movie and bring hostages back.

Make sure you have Bryan Cranston as your boss.