Nothing Says Romance Like Glowing, Flashing, Musical Condoms

Illustration for article titled Nothing Says Romance Like Glowing, Flashing, Musical Condoms

Ever wondered what a clown wears on his penis when he wants to practice safe sex with the bearded lady? A Wacky Rubber, that's what.

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Yes, Wacky Rubbers! Nothing instills confidence in the ability of a condom to prevent pregnancy and STDs like having a face painted on it and lights built into it.

Not only that, but these things are shaped as well. Ears, hats, stars — each of them has a definitely non-penile shape to it that makes very little sense to me. I'm not sure if it'd be better or worse if they accurately retained their shape while in use. Probably worse.

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Overall, these things look like craft projects from a 2nd grade class taught by Dr. Ruth. They're pretty fun, but I can't imagine they've ever been uses as intended. Yet. Just wait 'til my order of bull-shaped condoms that play Camptown Races and light up arrive. [Wacky Rubbers via The Daily What]

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DISCUSSION

Harry Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen-seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas...

[sniff]

Harry Blackitt: ... and, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom. Oh, no. I can wear French Ticklers if I want.

Mrs. Blackitt: You what?

Harry Blackitt: French Ticklers. Black Mambos. Crocodile Ribs. Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.

Mrs. Blackitt: Have you got one?

Harry Blackitt: Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, 'Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.'