The Chork Is the Beautifully Awful Lovechild of a Fork and Chopsticks That Will Prevent World War III

Illustration for article titled The Chork Is the Beautifully Awful Lovechild of a Fork and Chopsticks That Will Prevent World War III

If you went back in time with all the knowledge you have now but none of the habits, what utensil would you invent to eat with? Is the fork, a tiny and instinctive spear, the ideal utensil? Or is the chopstick, a dexterous extension of your fingers, the winner? Which makes the most sense?

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Ignore the spoon for the sake of this argument because well, I fucking hate the spoon. And I would really hate it if the spoon won my made up one-utensil-to-rule-them-all argument. Every culture has some sort of spoon, soup spoon, normal spoon, ramen spoon, whatever, it's played out. There's no imagination behind it. Plus, the spoon is easily the weeniest of utensils. Fuck the spoon.

ANYWAY.

The fork has to be the winner, right? It's dead simple to use to the point that there's absolutely no learning curve. You poke, you eat. You scoop, you eat. Hell, it can scoop non-liquid food with 99% of the efficiency of the stupid spoon while still being able to stab a piece of meat better than any utensil. The only limitation of the fork you could convince me on is that they're not as effective when it comes to noodle-based dishes like ramen or pho. And sushi. Oh, sushi. Dammit we still need chopsticks.

That's why the chork, as awful as it is—and mind you, it's more of an abomination than a spork—has a place in this world. That's why the chork, instead of pandas, could be used to maintain US/China relations. That's why the chork—a freaking chork!—would be the first utensil that we should invent if we were to go back in time.

The chork is a disposable utensil that starts off as an elongated fork but can be ripped apart and flipped around to be chopsticks or can be just kept together to act as cheater chopsticks for people who aren't skilled with their fingers. It covers every base, every age, every food, every skill level. It is amazing and it's not a fucking spoon. $4 for a 12-pack, $6 for a 24-pack. [The Chork via @adampash]

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DISCUSSION

I'm embarrassed to ask this, but I have no chopstick shame so I'll go ahead.

Can someone explain to me how you eat aggregate foods like rice with chopsticks? I understand the concept of how to use chopsticks with morsels of other foods, but when someone using chopsticks gets down to that part of their plate where they just have delicious sauce and rice left, how do they clean that up into a bite? And lets face it, if you're coating morsels of food in rice and eating them with chopsticks, you're gonna have extra rice left.

Also, is there a "civilized" way to eat noodles/pasta with chopsticks that doesn't involve grabbing a chunk and shoving it in your mouth, with a pasta tail coming out that makes you look like you're 6 years old?