The Internet Bank of the Future Is Stupid and Useless

Illustration for article titled The Internet Bank of the Future Is Stupid and Useless

Most banks are pretty awful, right? So how about switching to Movenbank, an online, third generation banking experience? A few small caveats: there are no branches, you don't have a card, you can't get cash, and it's a terrible idea.


Do you wish your bank had none of the financial security of a real bank, and all of the zany fun of a web 9.0 startup? Do you wish your bank gave you exciting badges and points instead of convenience? Movenbank's still in closed alpha testing mode, but read on! TheNextWeb's Courtney Boyd Myers quotes Movenbank's founder with this pile of shitdrivel:

"This is the reboot of Banking as we know it. Movenbank will combine the best aspects of both a financial services provider and a customer-focused, tech start-up. It is integrating mobile, online engagement, social media and gamification into a new kind of customer experience for banking products and financial services," said King."


I think it's safe to say there will be more buzzwords in this bank than there are units of currency. So, okay, let's ignore all of the massive shortcomings of a bank where you can't withdraw any money, and are confined to an extremely limited set of NFC-enabled phones and stores if you want to "buy things." Movenbank's not just neutered, they're obnoxious—social media and gamification?

I don't want my bank to be a game. I don't want to meet friends through my bank. I don't want to earn points, unless they're redeemable in the real world. And these aren't. Your money isn't a game. The "future of banking" will be a lot like it is now: reliable, physical, miserable, full of inhumane fees, and eventually, wonderfully convenient thanks to NFC. But the future, Movenbank ain't. [Movenbank via TNW]

You can keep up with Sam Biddle, the author of this post, on Twitter, Facebook, or Google+.


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MOVEN GLAVEN is the first thing that came to mind when I read the name. I have Jerry Lewis/Prof. Frink on the brain.

No branches and no cards (if you don't bother with one) sounds a lot like my ING account, which I happen to love. I don't know about all that other stuff, but you can just as easily use some local bank for checking and use something with the ING-like model for savings, which I feel is much better. Fuck branch banks and their fees.