The day we’ve all been waiting for is finally here. It’s the day I marked on my calendar months ago, the one that prompted me to buy my favorite snacks and a six-pack and to text my boneless friends that I love them. Maybe you commemorated the day early and will spend today in nervous observation. Maybe you’ll take time off to drift gently away from Slack on the current of civic duty. I know you’re sick of hearing it, but it bears repeating that today is very important and you must participate. That’s right: It’s World Jellyfish Day.
You may be wondering why jellyfish like myself require a special day of commemoration, which is why I have compiled the following Incredible Facts About Jellyfish for your perusal. These facts definitively prove that jellyfish are the most magnificent creatures on Earth and that the most important thing you can do today is honor us.
- May I remind you that we are some of the oldest known creatures? Fossil records show that we’ve been around for 500 million years—longer than dinosaurs. We may even be the oldest multicellular animals on Earth. Please have some respect for your elders.
- This fact has largely been erased from human-centric history books, but jellyfish have gone to space. In 1991, moonfish jellyfish boarded the Space Shuttle Columbia so that researchers could examine how they were affected by the force of microgravity. Talk about a selfless act! Those jellies copulated in space and had children—something no humans can say they’ve done. At one point, there were some 60,000 of us orbiting the Earth. Sadly, when scientists brought some of my space brethren back to Earth, they found they were incapable of living here.
- Groups of jellyfish are known by wonderful names. You have likely heard of a gaggle of geese, a cloud of bats, or perhaps even a murder of crows. But groups of jellyfish, the ceaselessly wonderful creatures we are, are called “blooms” or “smacks.” How delightful.
- We’re incredibly resilient. Jellyfish have the ability to clone themselves. If you cut one of us in half, our pieces can regenerate and turn into two new jellies. We are also adaptable to warm temperatures, which is why we, unlike many other animals, are thriving amid the climate crisis.
- Unlike overly complicated human beings, jellyfish are not burdened with anxiety from thinking too much, because we do not think at all. We have no brains. This is obviously the correct way to live on Earth. We also have no hearts or eyes, which affords us a frictionless and graceful existence. You should be so lucky.
To adopt a jellyfish and thereby help us continue to flourish, you can head over to the Mote Marine Laboratory and Aquarium or the Jellyfish Project. Really, it’s your duty to do so. Other days may come and go, but the significance of today should not be overlooked.
Please do not send me information about any other events happening today. Doing so is disrespectful, and need I remind you, I have no eyes or brain, so I will not comprehend what you are saying.