It used to be that Comic Sans was the universally acknowledged “Bad Font,” —the #1 Choice of overly convivial, legally separated dads in menial white-collar low-level managerial jobs in mid-sized cities with mortgages and without hope everywhere. But no more! Now MOST fonts are embarassing hokum ripe for mocking, sorry.

According a recent news article called “Your E-mail Font Is Ruining Your Life” on Bloomberg.com, both “Arial” and “Helvetica” fonts are humiliating disgraces that will make you look like a the jolly captain of SS L7 Weiner Dork Yacht scheduled to dock at Nerd Harbor if you use them, you piece of shit! !

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The article goes on to clarify that the font you use in your email is likely not actually literally for real “ruining your life” it does insist that it could be ruining “your reputation with people of good taste” which sounds WORSE if you ask ME.

The article claims that Arial and Helvetica are trash fonts capable of toppling the facade of esteem and prestige you’ve so carefully constructed via your digital persona. Too bad, so sad. To be #hip one must carefully select a serif font now. Using a default font is amateur hour:

Even today, users don’t have to subject their eyes to Helvetica’s or Arial’s blunted letter shapes. Gmail’s preferences offer six additional fonts and customization of the width of the letters. Apple Mail has even more font options.

In fact, anyone who knows anything about fonts does change the settings.

This is a bold statement. Partly because I bolded it using Kinja’s editing tools, but partly because it seems to me like almost everyone just uses the default email font setting, which leaves us with two conclusions:

  1. I have never corresponded via email with a non-dork.
  2. This article is preposterous.

Both equally plausible.

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