Your Packages Never Arrive Because UPS Employs Ninjas

An eagerly anticipated package that never seems to come. Frustrating! You track it online, you wait diligently at home—and yet, all you get is a HEY SORRY WE MISSED YA notice. So that's how they pull it off.

Illustration for article titled Your Packages Never Arrive Because UPS Employs Ninjas

This informative page from your carrier of choice's training manual clears it all up. You see, they just don't want to disturb you! Disturb you by giving you the thing that you want. That's so considerate—I feel much better about all those games and DVDs I bought that just vanished into the shipping ether. [Reddit]

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My wife once ordered some party supplies for my daughter's birthday. She never got them but UPS said they had been delivered. They said they checked "the GPS" (their words, not mine), and that the package had been dropped off at our house.

The representative, her Manager, and her Manager's Manger argued with my wife for hours on the phone. They then asked her to go downtown and fill out a police report. I'm sure the police will be all over that. Put those rapes and murders on hold, we've got to find that children's party supply thief.

My wife refused to fill out a police report, and now we don't get any packages from UPS unless someone personally signs for the pacakge. This rule was put into place by UPS as some sort of punishment for not explicitly complying with them. Even though it's water under the bridge, the UPS drivers still stare us down like we kicked kittens in front of them or something.

The order for the party supplies totalled $20.00.