The Midwest weather is currently slightly warmer than the surface of the sun and headed straight for New York. While cows haven't started spontaneously combusting (YET), these seven tools will help keep you colder than Ice Cube's acting career.
This vest has ice water in its veins. No, seriously. Chilled water stored in the attached, insulated backpack gets pumped through tubing that runs throughout the vest. The electric pump motor runs off of 8 AA batteries for up to 8 hours. $450
What's more important, staying cool or not looking like an ass? Hopefully you chose the former, otherwise you are SOL. The Ultimate Cooling Visor cap is packed with absorbent crystals— just dunk the...what is that, terrycloth? in water and wear. As the water evaporates, it cools your dome while making you look like a cast member of Kids Incorporated. $9/12 colors
If you've watched television after 3am, you probably already know what this is. The Coolware Personal Cooler from The Sharper Image acts like a miniature air conditioner what straps to your neck. Fill the device with water and turn it on. As air circulates past the water chamber it loses heat, and in, turn chills the cooling plates which then cool the skin on your neck. The Coolware runs on a single AA battery and works in up to 70% humidity (sorry Florida, no neck A/C for you). $50
Evaporative coolers, aka swamp coolers, are ideal wherever old people can be heard drawling, "But it's a dry heat." They draw warm air in which is cooled as it passes water-soaked pads that cover the exhaust ports. The Symphony Winter XL portable evaporative cooler pushes 3000 cubic feet of humidified air per minute with a 750 square foot coverage area— you know, for when you need to cool down a soccer field. $520
Even Luddites need to keep cool in this sort of weather. Without motorized parts and or batteries, the Misty 8 provides a continuous stream of mist with the touch of a button...and some vigorous hand cranking. $25
How do you cool down a 330lb nose tackle in 110 degree heat? With the BigFogg Sideline Mister. This device forces water droplets into a forced air stream at 1000psi to create... well, fog really. $If you have to ask...
The only thing worse than an oppressive heat during the day is that same oppressive heat during the night. The Brookstone Bed Fan sucks cool air (and dust bunnies presumably) from under your bed and shoots it between your top and bottom sheets, up to 100 cubic feet per minute. Also defends against the dreaded Dutch Oven. $70
[Top art courtesy of Shutterstock]