Matt Novak

Drunk Uber Driver Blows .25 After Already Dropping Off Two or Three Fares

An Uber driver in Southern California was pulled over last night and blew three times the legal limit. He was reportedly on his way to pick up his third (or fourth) fare for the night. The 46-year-old Uber driver Robert Wing was pulled over by Simi Valley police around 1:40am. Wing had allegedly been partying…

Terrorist on Flight From Somalia Allegedly Hid Bomb in Laptop

The alleged terrorist who blew himself up on a Daallo Airlines plane last week hid his bomb inside a laptop, according to Somali officials. The man, identified as 55-year-old Abdullahi Abdisalam Borle, is believed to have been handed the laptop by two men posing as airline workers at the Mogadishu airport. The explosion in midair…

Bus Explosion Scares Londoners Who Don’t Know It’s a Movie Stunt

Yesterday Londoners got a fright when they saw a double-decker bus explode on a bridge over the Thames River. Some people immediately thought it was a terrorist attack. Thankfully it was just a scene for a new movie starring Jackie Chan and Pierce Brosnan. Production crews attempted to give some residents in the area warning…

The British Are Coming (For Google and Facebook Data on American Servers)

The US and UK are currently holding secret meetings with the hopes of making it easier for police and spy agencies to access emails and other electronic data held by private companies on both sides of the Atlantic, the Washington Post reports. The agreement, which is still in very early stages of negotiation, would allow…

Print Your Digital Photos Right Now You Lazy Dunderhead

You need to print your digital photos. Not next year, not when you have more free time—right now. I don’t care if your favorite dank memes are playing at the picture showhouse tonight (or whatever the kids are doing for fun these days). Start your first photobook tonight. It’s now or never. Your future self…

1910: A painting by H.C. Ireland, pointing toward a new technologically advanced age. [Library of Congress]

Makes You Think

(Prakash Singh/AFP/Getty Images)

I Have Seen the Future…

…and all of our necks are broken. Image via Getty: A man wearing virtual reality glasses, pilots a drone during the Global Robot Expo in Madrid on January 31, 2016.

Amazon Will Open Physical Bookstores Because Life Is a Practical Joke Played On Us All [Updated]

Amazon is working on plans to open hundreds of brick-and-mortar bookstores, according to a new report from CNBC. Yes, following in the footsteps of chains like Borders, Amazon apparently thinks that the future is in dead trees. Amazon already has one physical store that opened back in November. The Seattle store was dismissed as a…

You Can Buy These New Iowa Caucus Garbage Pail Kids Cards Featuring Donald Dump and Hounded Hillary

It’s showtime. The Iowa Caucus is today and Iowans from all 99 counties are making their voices heard. But the Garbage Pail Kids special Iowa Caucus edition has the candidates as you’ve never seen them before. There’s Donald Dump wiping his buttocks (the best buttocks ever, no doubt) with the US Constitution. And Hounded Hillary…

College Kids Hope Their Hoverboards Catch Fire So They Can Finally Feel Something

Hoverboards are getting banned on college campuses all across America over safety concerns. And students aren’t too happy about it. Frankly, they don’t mind if their hoverboard catches fire. In fact, some are praying that their own boards do just that—if only so they can feel something. Anything. “Segways and things like that are a…

Here Is Every Single Movie Bill Clinton Watched In The White House

“The best perk of the White House is not Air Force One or Camp David or anything else, it’s the wonderful movie theater I get here,” President Bill Clinton told Roger Ebert in 1999. According to newly released documents obtained by Gizmodo through a Freedom of Information Act request, President Clinton did indeed love watching…

How To Not Watch Both Tonight’s Debate And Trump’s Tire Fire If You Don’t Have Cable

Read a fucking book. Or freebase something at random from your medicine cabinet. I assure you, the world will still be there tomorrow—just as shitty as ever. But if you insist.

Makers of Marlboro Laying Off Workers to Invest in More Vaping

Altria Group, America’s biggest tobacco company and makers of the iconic Marlboro brand, is laying off workers to save $300 million per year. Where are they going to put all that money? Into a true growth market: Electronic cigarettes. Today Altria, formerly known as Philip Morris, controls just over half of the traditional cigarette market…

This Woman Was a Bored Button-Pusher Before Jane Jetson Was Even Born

Today Cory Doctorow tweeted out a fascinating image showing an RCA computer room in 1959. I can’t stop staring at it. There’s a peculiar artifice to the clearly-staged promotional photo that’s so striking—not only for its incredibly rich colors, but for the expressions on the computer operators’ faces. Especially the woman pushing a button with…

Card-Free ATMs Are Coming Because Drug Dealers Don’t Take Apple Pay Yet

Virtually every retailer takes credit cards these days. More and more even accept services like Apple Pay. But when you really need cash to buy things like drugs or sex or illegal firearms, Chase will soon make it much more convenient. That’s right, card-free ATMs are on the way. Chase recently announced that it will…

Spaceport America Wants $2 Million More From Taxpayers For Its Space Tourism Fantasy

If you build it, the space tourists will come. That was the promise to the taxpayers of New Mexico back in 2009 when Spaceport America broke ground. Seven years and roughly $220 million later, New Mexico has little to show for it. And now the private space facility is asking for even more money. New…

The Doomsday Clock Remains at 3 Minutes to Midnight, But That’s Horrible News

The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists announced today that the Doomsday Clock, which represents our proximity to an apocalyptic event, will remain at three minutes to midnight. But that’s still terrifying. “That decision is not good news but an expression of dismay that world leaders continue to fail to focus their efforts and the world’s…

If You Had a Time Machine Would You Kill Hitler or Bring This Boarding Pass Back to 1989?

If you ever get a chance to travel back in time to the year 1989 (the year Back to the Future: Part II was released) make sure you bring a United Airlines boarding pass. People will be so excited to see that their dreams of one day owning a hoverboard will come true. The text…

The FBI Claims Not to Have a File on David Bowie

Hmmmm……. And yes, I did ask for any files under his real name, David Robert Jones, as well. Maybe I should’ve asked for Ziggy Stardust. Sounds like an illegal alien if you ask me. Get it. Wait, do you get it? I said, it sounds like an illegal alien if you ask me. (AP Photo/Matt…