ICYMI: Ikea's Online Weddings Seem Like a Tech-Fueled Nightmare

Scientists investigate how much we want to kill 1920s Hitler, Lollipop comes to Cyanogen, and online weddings take a turn for the dystopian. This is all the news and rumors you missed on BitStream.


Weddings are one of the few bastions of human society that’s remained largely untouched by technology. Yeah, your friend can get ordained online in like a day, and it’s easier to find that disappointing DJ, but it’s one of the few events left that serves as an excuse to get the whole band back together: cousins, aunts, uncles, parents, siblings, and that weird friend from college you felt you had to invite. But what if you could still have that togetherness without having to actually be together? Don’t worry: Ikea is on the case with their new online wedding service.

It’s everything you’d want in a world where technology is king and love is dead. You can just pick some far away destination, like a rustic farm or a sandy beach, invite all your Facebook friends, and bam. Wedding. Of course, if you want the thing to be real you still need an official and some witnesses in the same room. It would also help if, you know, the couple was there, too. So really, the best way to think of this is a way to send you mom a quick message when you get eloped so she can at least watch and not completely disown you. [Ikea]

  • Men are more likely than women to go back in time and kill Hitler, according to a psychological study. An editor somewhere has been waiting his or her entire life to write that headline. [Vice]

Apps and Devices

  • WhatsApp pushes out a huge cosmetic redesign to be more inline with Google’s Material design thoughts on Lollipop. [TNW]
  • The Lollipop update for CyanogenMod is finally here and is pushing out to OnePlus One devices first. And there was great rejoicing. [Cyanogen]
  • The music app for iOS sees big changes in the iOS 8.4 [9to5Mac]
  • The United Launch Alliance has a new rocket, and it’s name is Vulcan. I’m really starting to enjoy these Leonard Nimoy tributes. [ULA]


  • Yesterday, rumors said Nokia was selling of HERE Maps, and now a fresh rumors says the company may be looking to buy the french hardware maker Alcatel-Lucent. Nokia be making some moves. [Windows Central]
  • ASUS looks to be launching a fitness-focused smartwatch with 10-day battery life but doesn’t come with any of the added benefits of Android Wear. [Android Community]
  • The Surface Pro 4 may be revealed at Microsoft’s Build developers conference in late April, which would be one of Microsoft’s first hardware announcements at the primarily software-focused event. [Trusted Reviews]
  • Remember that awesome idea to turn your iPhone into a Game Boy ? Well, Android won’t be left out of the loop (hopefully). [Imgur]
Illustration for article titled ICYMI: Ikeas Online Weddings Seem Like a Tech-Fueled Nightmare

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You cannot go back in time to kill Hitler without creating a paradox that destroys the universe.

In the Timeline, Hitler commits suicide. That means that Hitler kills Hitler.

If you go back in time and kill Hitler, then Hitler will not be alive to kill Hitler. This is the paradox. There is no fate but what we make but Hitler must be allowed to live so that he can go on to kill Hitler.