Shark Week Takes A Bite Out Of Space Sex And Vampire Love

Illustration for article titled Shark Week Takes A Bite Out Of Space Sex And Vampire Love

Television's best holiday celebration is at hand: Shark Week! Stuff your brains with knowledge of the ultimate sea beast. True Blood's Jessica takes the spotlight, Being Human's ghost figures out why she's in limbo, and Stargate's Sheppard is back, sorta.



Shark Week: Deadly Waters -
Survivorman's Les Stroud takes on the deadliest water in the world. Using historical data, he will test the hotspots of the ocean and try to discover just why these spots are the deadliest on Earth, on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Shark Week: Day of the Shark 2 -
Divers are trapped inside a shark cage after a great white breaks out of it — while a different shark attacks a former Navy Seal, and a bull shark joins a spear-fishing trip in the Bahamas. Without careful attention, your ocean trip can easily turn dangerous, on Discovery at 10 PM.

Biker werewolves hunt down a boy who is the missing link between man and their species, and is destined to destroy their kind. Skinwalkers, starring Jason Behr of Roswell, is on TMC at 8:15 PM.


Warehouse 13 -
Need a Stargate fix? Tune into Warehouse for a guest spot by Joe Flanigan, aka Sheppard — don't worry, his hair is still a scraggly mess. But Shep's not the only newcomer — last week's new cute hacker, Claudia, joins the team...Will the latest additions to the Warehouse churn up some sexual chemistry? Most likely, this is what Flanigan's hair was put on this Earth to do: relive the SGA glory days on Syfy, at 9 PM.


That's Impossible -
Death rays and laser cannons, oh my! Weapons from science fiction movies are examined in this show that discovers just how probable stuff of fiction really is, on History Channel at 10 PM.


Shark Week!: Sharkbite Summer -
Shark attacks from 2001's Summer of the Shark are recounted, using first-hand accounts of what happened and visits to the scene of the attacks. A shark bites "clean through a boy's arm," on the Discovery Channel, at 9 PM.


Two San Franciscans (well, kinda, since one is a humanoid) hunt down an extraterrestrial murderer in Alien Nation on FMC at 8 PM.


Monsters Inside Me -
A parasite nom nom noms on your brains. Zombie parasites! Someone watch and let me know because the last episode of this "if you eat, breath or touch this, it could kill you" show kept me indoors in a sanitized tent for days. Monsters is on Animal Planet at 9 PM. Watch if you dare.


Shark Week! Man vs. Fish -
In the debut of this reality show, extreme fisherman Matt Watson heads to New Zealand to face off with a mako shark ... while aboard a sinking raft, all on Discovery at 10 PM.


Three old men discover the healing properties of the pool next door, and the aliens who own it, in Cocoon on FMC at 10 PM.


Shark Week! Shark After Dark -
Aiming to learn more about how sharks behave after the sun sets, a team of divers tracks sharks around the world with the latest technology, to try to learn more about the aggressive animals, on Discovery at 9 PM.


A man pops out of a board game and brings with him a stampede of elephants, monkeys driving cop cars and a hairy creature named Robin Williams. Jumanji is on AMC at 8 PM.


Eureka -
The town's teenagers have been manipulated into building a strange structure out of electronics and scrap metal, on Syfy at 9 PM.


Paleontologist Alan Grant is headed back to the infamous dinosaur island, accompanied with a group of idiots whose main purpose seems to endanger the lives of others, or create interesting plot points. JP3 is on MTV at 10 PM.



Being Human -
Annie meets another ghost, and she learns why she has been stranded here on Earth, and how to move on. Meanwhile, the forever miserable Mitchell continues to wean Lauren off blood, on BBC America at 9 PM.


James Cameron's Oscar-winning sequel Aliens about returning to the space colony where it all began 57 years before is on Spike at 8 PM.


Cameron night continues, as we watch John Connor growing up in Terminator 2. Is the "mimetic polyalloy" T-1000 the best Terminator ever? We say yes. T2 is on Bravo at 9 PM.


True Blood -
In Dallas, Sookie's trials take a turn when Eric shows up just before the Fellowship's lockdown. Back home, Sam discovers a gruesome thing in his bar, and there doesn't appear to be anyone leaping to his defense. But more Jessica and Hoyt hook-up time is promised (yay!).


Raging Planet -
This new series premieres with two episodes, beginning with the dissection of tornadoes and their paths of destruction and followed with an episode about lightning, including some cool footage of how it's "born," on the Discovery Channel at 9 PM.

Defying Gravity -
A strange force on the crew's ship Antares begins to have extreme results on the astronauts' biology and personalities. More sexy space dreams, on ABC at 10 PM.




Is it just me or was Defying Gravity just horrendously bad? Anyone?

Virtuality was a masterpiece of sci fi space opera compared to this garbage.