The Biggest Diamond in the Universe Is Actually a Planet

Illustration for article titled The Biggest Diamond in the Universe Is Actually a Planet

Astronomers and gold diggers were excited when scientists discovered a planet littered with diamonds. That's just okay now. Why? Because a new planet just took bling to the next level: it's one massive diamond the size of Jupiter.

The planet is super dense and is made up of carbon. With the kind of density its pulling, scientists figure the carbon must be crystalline aka diamond.


According to Matthew Bailes of Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne:

"The evolutionary history and amazing density of the planet all suggest it is comprised of carbon — i.e. a massive diamond orbiting a neutron star every two hours in an orbit so tight it would fit inside our own Sun"

Astronomers speculate that the new diamond is probably a remnant of a once gigantic star that's lost its outer layers. It now "only" has a little more mass than Jupiter, the BFP (biggest fucking planet) in our solar system but is 20 times more dense. Sadly, for the diamond loving citizens of Earth, the planet is 4,000 light years away. [Reuters via @LoriBergamotto, Image Credit: Reuters]

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Due to extensive research done by the Fourchon University of Science, diamond has been confirmed as the the hardest metal known the man. The research is as follows.

Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed.

They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an out into the wall, and the wall came out fine.

They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors.

They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond travelling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours.

They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards midwestern Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour.

They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York.

They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive.

Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall travelling at miles, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known the man.